Update...school, work, house???

So I've got a month and 21 days until Graduation! The days are certainly dragging, but the projects are coming together slowly and surely. Once Thanksgiving comes around, it will be all down hill from there! Now that is something to be thankful for! =-) I'm really excited for the next stage of my life, and I can't wait to graduate and leave my job!!!

I was offered a promotion at the end of August to begin in September, and accepted the position with the arrangement that I would be creating a training program for the company, and take on additional training responsibilities and a few other tasks to help the managment. Along with the additional work load, I was supposed to recieve a $1-2 dollar raise. This position is doubling as my internship for school, so I have to continue with the job eventhough THEY HAVE NOT INCREASED MY WAGES!!! The company I work for has NO integrity. After talking to my manager (who has no influence on the pay raise) about my concern, she informed me that because this job is dependant on my internship, it's possible that they are not giving me the pay raise, because they figured I would do the job either way. Really? This only goes to show how little they value their employees and confirms the fact that I do not want to continue being a part of it in any way shape or form.

But the beautiful thing about all of this is that I have been encouraged to move on! I am hoping to take a year or at least a semester off from school, and then go back to attain my graduate degree in Educational Counseling. I hope to start working in the school district next year so that I can start networking. Depending on what positions they have available (Paraeducator, Avid Tutor, Admin, Substiture) I will probably work a few nights a week at a local restaurant so that I can start saving!

Save for what you might ask? Well I will soon be entering the world of homeownership! I have been pre-approved for a loan, and I'm officially on the market for a townhome! I'm excited to have a place to truly call my own! I won't have to worry about rent increases every year (yay for apartment life) I can have a dog! I can customize things to look how I want them to! It's all very exciting. I have found a few places that I'm interested in, and I'm in contact with a real estate agent, so it should be interesting to see what I find! =-)

Well that's my update! Hopefully more good news will follow!

On my knees...

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken (From the album Sweetly Broken)

"To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous
Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

*It's amazing how amazingly simple life can be when you put things in perspective and get your priorities straight.

blank....

Burn out sucks...

I feel incredibily confused...

I am emotionally and physically exhausted...

Blank.

(But isn't this picture beautiful???)

A spark...now I need a flame

I finally got away from my awful rut and was able to get a few things accomplished in regards to my school work. I find that when I'm able to get out of the house I have a much easier time concentrating. Enter: Panera Bread, it's no library, but they have free wi-fi and provided a quzi-healthy dinner, a combination that can't be beat. The atmospher is actually pretty calming, soothing music, just enough background noise, that you're not nervous to turn a page, it would have been perfect had the just stayed open a little later. I only got an hour and a 1/2 of work done because they closed at 8:00. It was a much needed boost, and I wish it had lasted longer, but I feel that any small feet is something to be celebrated.

I'm so ready to graduate it's not even funny, so focusing has been a little bit challenging lately. What bothers me the most is that I'm distracted by nothingness. Sometimes it's important errands, and tasks that I need to get done, but more often than not, it's stupid stuff, like watching TV or a new movie, or surfing the web for things that are irrelevant. One thing that is wonderful to report, is that my credit balance is incressingly dwindling. I have a few major accounts that I will keep open, but my lasik is almost paid off, and I'm feeling like my goal of reducing the number of accounts is coming closer by the day! Yay...

Another great thing, is that I've started creating goals to accomplish after I graduate, so that I'm able to keep busy and enjoy a year off from school before going back to get my master's degree. I am still keeping my eyes and ears open for possible grad schools, but I'm definitely going to apply to UNC (University of Northern Colorado) and APU (Azusa Pacific University). I'm pretty determined I'll either be in Colorado or California, but I will definitely keep my options open. I limited myself to great proportions for undergrad, and not that I regret it, but I always wonder if I would have made the same decision if I had kept my options more open.

Here's to the future!

Step by step, piece by piece

It's amazing to see how far you've come as an individual and to look back on who you have been. Occasionally I wonder if it's even possible that I am remotely the same person I once was, and then other days I feel like I haven't changed a bit. Reality...each day becomes an important piece of who I am. Someday maybe I'll be who I really want to be...but for now...this is as good as it gets!

Sometimes...

Sometimes...we make things seem better than they are, because we hope that what we have now, will one day become even better ;-)

Sometimes...it's tough to face the reality that what you've got...is as good as it gets.
and then

Sometimes...you realize that that's o.k...and everything is gonna be all right, because what you've got isn't all that bad!

Lodi, California July 2008

RANTIN' and RAVIN'

*

Is anyone else concerned with this governement bail out? I'm sure it sounds great to people pending foclosures and all that jazz...but where is this money coming from? Are the American people going to be paying for this rather quick decision for the next million years? If we had that kind of money lying around...why hasn't it been put to better use all of this time??? I just can't wrap my head around it.

I also find it rather remarkable that we live in a society where families are loosing their homes left and right, but we will pay Spiderman $50,000,000 dollars to make # 3 & 4 of an already over worked series of movies. So basically our movie stars and celebrities are our priority. Not our teachers, or docotors... Maybe Mr. Toby Miguiere (spelling?) can donate some of his earnings towards the health care than no one can seem to find.

Which brings me to another point...do people want universal health care or do they just want free health care...because the more and more people talk about it, the more I feel like we already have universal health care. Get a clue America....nothing in life is free!!!

I can't wait for this election to be over. That's the greatest part...in 2/3 months, all of these things that people "supposedly" care so much about...will be laid to rest. I'm so sick of the ads, the conversations, the frustrations, the uneducated young minds that attend my college and their wholier than thou attitudes. Yuck...please just let us vote and be done with this!

*Comic above found at http://www.institutionaladvisors.com/images/BAILOUT3w.jpg

i am ..... pooped

Consider this thought when talking politics...

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle

It is amazing to me how angry and ignorant people can be once they start talking politics (on both sides of the political spectrum). If you want to argue...then argue, but if you have a question that you truly want answered, ask the question and listen to the reponse/answer. I've been watching political interviews and it is so incredible to notice that so many questions were actually unanswered because the PRESIDENTIAL/VP Candidates were rudely inturrupted or cut off. Can we please show a little respect for these people by letting them finish there sentences no matter how long they are (S. Mccain) or how much you stutter (S. Obama). =-)

MAY we all be reminded that there are equally important parts of communication:

• Sending messages (via words, pictures, hand gestures, etc.) &


• Recieving messages (LISTENING!!!! Interpreting, and analyzing)

Dynamics

It's amazing to think about our lives and to understand that our existance is truly dynamic! It may be amazingly obvious, but life is designed to be shared. Think about living in isolation...what do you have to live for? I am starting to think that rather than living our lives for ourselves and our own success, gain or happiness; we essentially live them for other people, regardless of wether or not we are aware of this ideal. Not just anyone, but for those few people that have entered our lives that for whatever reason you have connected with...those you have allowed to enter the sandy waters of your very being (however you might define that). More than just a causal acceptance or connection, these individuals have entered the depths of our hearts, shared our dreams and loved us no matter the cost. If you're lucky you can count those people on one hand, and evenmore so if you can fill both hands with names. A good friend of mine consistantly says that he has never been lucky in terms of winning prizes, or by having everything go his way, or even by making loads of money; but he has had resounding luck when it comes to the people that he meets. It's not that he's met celebrities or famous thinkers, athletes, or millionaires; but generally average people who break the mold and make his world a better place to be: above average.

I think this is why we each long to have at least one person in our lives that we committ to. So that without a doubt, there is at least one, sole person who can always be counted upon to share experiences with. Life isn't quite as complicated as it might seem when you evaluate the idea that there is someone else along side of you that understands, sees things similar to the way you do, or that quite frankly gives a shit. I reconize that this thought might seem a tad pesimestic, but hear me out. There are several types of people who will enter our lives: acquiantances, family members, teachers, mentors, friends, children, managers, co-workers, customer service representatives, waitresses, passerby's....the list could continue for days. From mere people passing paths, to the best of friends, each person has the potential to have an impact on our lives. For instance: on my drive to school this morning another driver on the road actually apologized for failing to let me into the next lane regardless of the fact that my blinker had been on and he had appeared to be leaving a place open for me. It turns out he must have gotten distracted while driving and did not realize that I was trying to get to the next lane. After he switched changed lanes and met up with me so that I was able to look out my left window and take a peak at the "idiot driver" (insert road rage here) I glanced over to see the face of the inconsiderate, good for nothing looser, and as I caught his face he mouthed the words, I'm sorry. I was so prepared to give him the death look and stare him down to make sure he knew just how disgusted I was by him, when my expectations were shattered, and I forced to forfeit my ascribed anticipations for our encounter, my face returned to a much more pleasant disposition and I was drawn to smile and nod in acceptance of his appology. He appologized? Can you beleive it? Any other time I would have gotten flipped off, disregarded, ignored, and possibly cut off.

Anyone can impant another individual's life but I feel those that make the most significant impacts are the people for which we live. To know that I can be helped and help in return with no questions asked, no begging or pleading required is a remarkable feeling. Love is an expectional value and (not to sound like a Miss America pagent) but if we express rather than repress the feelings that we have towads one another and simply share our human experience in an open and honest way, wouldn't this be a better place to live?

Moral of the story: People have every opportunity to break expecatations, and we should all be prepared to have our expectations exceeded.

Please tell me it isn't true...

I'm 4 weeks into school and today 'it' has arrived. I've successfully avoided 'it' for the last 5 weeks, and thought that this might be the first time in awhile that I might be able to avoid 'it'. But alas...my luck has run out and I am forced to face the facts, saddle up and ride the bull, take it by the horns and accept that SCHOOL IS STRESSFUL. I love every bit of it...but I hate that I can't focus directly on school. Rather I have 180 other things on my mind to distract me from the task at hand.

Today is the day that my social life, eating healthy, finances, cleaning my house, sleeping and contentment slowly slip away from my grasp and out of my control. Today is the day that normal everyday tasks become twice as hard as they ever need to be. Effort is everything, and motivation is the only thing that gets you through. My primary motivator...this is the end and I am moments away from my freedom from this insane captivity!

From now until about Thanksgiving...'it' will most likely consume my life, yet there is a gleaming light at the end of the tunnel, and I can see just the slightest glimpse of that beautiful shimmering splendor! Generally it seeps in and out of my peripheral vision: the goal is to catch it before it consumes my entire focus! I'm not attempting to be negative or cynical...just REAL. Stress is overwhelming, and quite frankly simply unavoidable. So it's time to deal. At least this is my feeble attempt!

Milos!

Deanna's First Shot: Washington Apple...yum =-)

East Coast Meets West Coast

What can you do with a cherry stem?

Yay for catching up with good friends
I have no words...

15 Mins of Fame / Suzie Homemaker / Slacker

Today...I have to admit it started out just a tad hectic, and a few things at work irritated me...but thanks to my amazing co-workers I got cheered up pretty quick! After lunch the day went smooth until the craziest thing happened. Dawg The Bounty Hunter and his TV crew stormed into the office about 5 minutes before we were closing, and well...I've seen crazier things where I work...but are you kidding me...I might be on TV! Lol! I will look like an idiot if I am...but none the less it would be kind of cool. I thought the whole thing was fake! I'd only seen the show once or twice so I was pretty sure I knew who he was, but at the same time, had no idea if it was the real deal. It was too bizare, Sabrina made a comment about the car that just pulled up in the parking lot and I took no interest in it all, I was just trying to get something done quick before we closed up. All of the sudden there is this crazy character and his camera crew demanding to know who was in charge!!! I said "in charge of what?" and he threw out his badge...which I was still assuming to be fake (I'm pretty sure he was one of the most popular halloween costumes this year...so you can never be too sure!!!) and he says "IN CHARGE OF THIS" he threw up his badge and shoves a picture in my face and says, "have you seen this man?" I said I had no idea (we have over 700 units so probably at least 1400 people to keep track of...they all start looking the same at some point) I tried looking up the name in our computer system to see if he was a resident, but I guess he was just visiting and switching from apartment to apartment. They had a bad address, so I have no idea how they got there or if they found him? It seemed like him and his 'crew' were split up because he was getting information on his radio. They left and all I could think was, excuse me what just happened...? So I guess if I end up on an episode of Dawg the Bounty hunter, I will have officially had my moment of fame. Haha...wait, no hair and make-up? Nope not for this girl, instead you'll get an end of the day hair-do, a deer-in-the-headlights expression and a skeptical attitude! What a crack up.





Besides my excitement at work, I ended up being Suzie Homemaker and making lasagne for Kim & Gerry and it turned out pretty good. It was fun having them over, they truly are some of the most genuine people I've had the chance to meet!





I am slacking in the 'escuela' department today. I'm just not feeling it, I had a quiz in my on-line class that I just wasn't motivated to work on today. My professor drops our lowest quiz scoore, so it won't count against me, but I really should have done it. I'm blaming it on my lovely headache. I've had one almost every day this week. It's frustrating because the only thing you can do is trudge through them, but I'm wondering what they are from. I did a little research on them, and it looks like I'm either having a cluster / tension headache, or I'm experiencing mild migranes. I've had some blurred vision, but it fades in and out really quickly. I even got dizzy once tonight. I think I'm going to schedule a doctor appointment because it's just a little crazy, especially with all the 'head & brain' complications a few of my family memebers have had recently. I'm sure it's nothing, but it's hard to keep that in mind when you have those loved ones in the back of your mind.

Whelmed

I WISH I WAS HERE...

<-----------

"I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed...can you ever just be whelmed?" -Quote from 10 Things I Hate About You.

I've come to the realization that it's hard to have so many things on your plate that you want to do well...and so many people you want to be around...and be able to take care of yourself at the same time. Definition: overwhelmed.

Yet...I walk on =-)

Two Reactions...

And here you have my 2 reactions

to Barack Obama's speech at the

Democratic National Convention in

Denver, Co

August 28, 2008

First off I must point out that the fact that I even put out the effort to watch the speech...only goes to show that not all conservatives are close minded. I was impressed with his speaking ability and was surprised that not everything that came out of his mouth was crap. By that I mean, that instead of simply saying the word 'change' in a few different ways without providing any sort of explanation about what that might mean or look like to the American people, he actually presented some of the things he wants to change such as education, health care benefits, limiting the outsourcing of American jobs, and providing benefits for soldiers who serve our country, & end the War on Iraq. The problem is that I'm still skeptical as to how all of this is going to take place. I feel like so many of Obama's ideals are intriguing, and that he is doing a good job of trying to unify the different parties, yet he's also avoiding a lot of the important issues by playing the fence to appease both sides.

So there you have it....impressed yet skeptical.

Sigh...

Wow, it feels like a million years since I've written. Life has been just a tad hectic lately. I guess that's just how it goes with me. I'm in my last semester of college, and that is terrifying and exciting all at the same time. My main goal is to finish strong. I am very close to graduating Magna Cum Lude, and I will be incredibly proud of myself if I do. I'll still be proud if I don't - but I know that I'm capable of accomplishing this goal. I was looking into ordering my graduation announcements, and as I looked at the proof, I almost teared up. I can't beleive that I've made it. I am going to be a college graduate...it's an insane feeling. It's crazy to think that I finally have a career path and I hope and pray that I will continue to be successful in my schooling and that I can get into a Master's Degree program that will afford me a positive experience. I am anxious to see how this next stage of my life will pan out, and my greatest hope is that I can manage to save up the money to sit back and relax a little and do some traveling. More importantly I hope that I will have someone to come with me!

I feel very greatful that I have had people who have come along side of me and supported me through all of my many adventures, successes and set backs. To the handful of people who have always found time to be there for me, I will never forget it. I am incredibly lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.

As this exciting time of my life unfolds, I will do my best to update any new developments that come along!

Best wishes.

Some People's Kids...

There are times in life where you feel as though any decision that you make could be the wrong one. There are a few people in my life that have hurt me deeply in regards to either friendships or relationships, that I have since forgiven but am not sure I really care to have around in my life again. I'm torn between what attitude to have towards them. I've forgiven them in my heart, but will never be able to forget their actions. Is the right thing to do to just forget them and move on and give the 'ole cold shoulder? Or to embrace their attempts to keep in touch and perhaps rekindle an old friendship? It's tough to determine if a person has truly changed, and then there are those who possibly haven't changed but once held wonderful characteristics until they "messed up" in terms of friendship. Everyone messes up from time to time, but it's hard to know if they truly regret what they've done. Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance?

I'm typically the person who can be a bit of a pushover in this department, but I've recently been reevaluating that part of my life. Is it o.k to be selfish when it comes to friendships? Or should we have the loyalty of a golden retriever and offer forgiveness that might just mend a broken bridge or heart.

I guess it all comes down to a popular phrase..."hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice shame on me".

Tear Jerker

It's been awhile since I've seen a movie like this one, but I would recommend it to anyone looking for something good to watch. It's most definitely a tear jerker...but in the happy kind of way. It's refreshing and if you ever just need to have a "let it all out cry" this is the movie! The beginning of the movie was a little bizarre, but made sense in the end...This movie just 'clicked', there's a lot that can be learned by the lesson. It's not just a cheesy chick flick where everything is uber predictable. Watch it...you'll love it, and if not...oh well.

I have a big update coming soon, it might take some time to put all my words together eloquently but stay tuned!

Good News To Report...

1. I got an 'A+' on my research paper

2. School is out for Summer

3. So many family members have come to visit this year and I love every minute of it!

4. Next tuesday...it's going to be interesting, I can just feel it!

5. I'm learning how to play pool, and I'm not too shabby!

6. I love life!

I hate...

...Writing research papers...there are so many better things to write about than other people's ramblings. I love the research part because it's interesting...but when it comes to regurgitating what I've learned...I'm not the biggest fan...especially when that includes 20 freakin' pages of regurgiation!

Can anyone guess what I'm working on tonight??? The only good news to report is that as of 11:30 tomorrow....IT WILL BE COMPLETE!!! (insert happy face here =-)