Think before you say...

There are times in life when your mouth gets you in trouble. The last week or so has been one of those times for me. I let the pain in my heart control my anger and rage and when i get mad I don't hit or punch or throw a fit. My anger is either expressed in tears or in words. I have been told and have learned from experience that words can hurt more than a slap in the face. The old saying of "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...it isn't quite on target.

Words do hurt. They penetrate your heart, they fill your mind and they consume your thoughts. In both good ways and bad. In a good way, when a guy tells you he loves you...you believe it...you repeat the words over and over again and they penetrate your thoughts...they motivate your actions and they bring you hope. But turn it on the flip side and say, "only a mother could love someone like you"...and those words aren't forgotten either. They most likely emplify your worst fears about yourself and make you feel lower than low. I imagine that both can be like yelling in a cave and hearing the echo sounding over and over and over again...slowly getting further and further away. But reverberating in every bone in your body. The highest of highes to the lowest of lows. Words are not forgotten. This is when I wish that I had a rewind button for my life. Just to go back a moment or two and start over. Think about my actions and realize that saying something hurtful to another person doesn't make anyone feel better. Maybe for some it does...maybe revenge really is sweet and having that revenge makes their day. But for me, it only brought more hurt. I looked in the mirror and realized that I could not longer recognize the person I had become in my anger. I am not a cruel monster capable of causing someone so much hurt...am I? Was it worth it to express my frustration...just to make someone feel as low as I did?

I'm not sure what compels a person to say such wonderful or such hurtful things...but I know now from experience that both can be said and not meant. He told me he loved me, and never meant it. I expressed my frustration by saying only a mother could love him. It's not true. It couldn't be true...because I loved him. I don't know that it was ever something that he believed...and I'm sure he wouldn't be compelled to change his mind now that he's seen the angry words in a text message written from me, (although never meant to be seen by him - thank you for the help with that). Regardless, he saw the words. And because of that I have now lost not only a boyfriend...but a few friends, and a few memories that I will never be able to share with anyone.

Words hold more power than I will ever understand. So learn from my mistakes...choose wisely...never fear to express your feelings, but know that our feelings are based in emotion...and when not in the right state of mind, the words still have the same meaning.

How many years....?

Well after a 3 day attempt to set up a google account (yup...that's how long it's been since I've posted anything here), I can finally get back to my lovely little blog. It has recently become apparent to me that for at least the last year of my life I have been taking care of everyone else besides ME! So I'm trying to get back to doing some of the things that I love to do. And writing is one of them. Most of what I write is nonsense...occasionally the words do have quite a bit of meaning...but like I said...mostly nonsense to help me realize that I have a life. =) Sometimes I feel as though I have so many thoughts in one day that they are merely thoughts...and they never capture the meaning that helps me apply the thoughts to my life. When I write...it solidifies that fact that I have made an application.

I have some serious updates to post but for now this is a start. I will hopefully write more this weekend after I've had a little more time to process some of the things that are circling around in my little brain.

pslam 63:5

"I will be content as if I had eaten the best foods. My lips will sing, and my mouth will praise you."

Contentment. Life is what is dealt to you. What you do with it after that...is your decision.

can't someone amazing just enter my life and fall in love with me? just a thought!

How do you prevent yourself from breaking your own heart? Is it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? Why the pain? It's all my fault anyway....this is what happens when you believe in something....that will never happen. Blah blah blah...time to hang my heart back up and lock the key. Would that make up for the pain? or just make it hurt worse?

I'm so freakin' excited! I'm moving out into my own appartment tenatively on October 11th/13th!!! I couldn't be more thrilled! I've been waiting for this for so long, and it will be so amazing to have my own space and get to decorate and all that jazz! Have people over you name it! Maybe I'll even get a cat...haha...that won't happen for awhile, but I could if I wanted to! hehe Anyways...I'm starting to get little things here and there for it, and I have some stuff. It's just the big stuff that will end up killing me. I need furniture bad. And I don't want to get cheap(quality) stuff, because I'd like it to last me awhile...so I think I'm gonna check out furniture row and their no interest 'til 2010 deal. That would pretty much be freakin' amazing! I just can't believe it! I'm so freakin' pumped! WWWAAAAHHHHOOO! O.k...that's all. If anyone has ideas on how to get nice but inexpensive furniture...let me know!

Wonder away...

Do you ever wonder if the reason you're still single is because you never replied to those dumb chain e-mails that tell you if you don't reply you're gonna have 1 million years of bad luck, no one will ever like you and you're never gonna get kissed again....haha...I never respond to those things!?!?!?! Is that why I'm screwed....??? I'm totally kidding...but I just thought that was pretty freakin' hillarious. Whenever I see those I have to stop and wonder if the person who sent it really thought it would come true...

Actually I'm really trying to avoid writing about what I'm really feeling....sigh

I need pills or something...

I'M A FREAKIN INSOMNIAC.....why the crack can't I fall asleep. My body is exhausted and my mind is racing 1000 m.p.h and I feel like I have this adrenaline flowing through my blood, but I'm yawning and my body feels tired...like a giant weight. All I can do is toss and turn and think of things I was supposed to do today or whatever....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA

If you couldn't tell...this is driving me nuts!!!

Random Ramblings

I start school tomorrow! I'm nervous/excited/stressed! My life is about to go into over time with working full time and going to school full time. I'm excited and I know I'll be able to handle it...it just seems like so much! Hopefully all goes well...One thing is for sure...there sure seems to be lots of drama going on...what the heck is going on with the world....btw I CAN'T SLEEP....so dumb! I have to wake up early...and I can't stinkin' sleep! BLAH....I'm going to try again...I'm watching episodes of friends that I've seen millions of times...and I still can't fall asleep...too late for tylenol p.m....Oh I also can't stop thinking about having my own place. I think I'm really ready to move out. I just want to wait until I settle into school...My friend said that apartment prices usually decrease in October/the fall season, so I'll probably wait 2 months....but omg I'm getting impatient. I NEED MORE SPACE! Hopefully I can find a great deal that will make everything better! And put my mind at ease for all the things I'm trying to consider cost wise. So much for sleep.....o.k...time to go really.....I'll give an update about school tomorrow.

Fun Night

So this weekend I went on the youth worker retreat with the other adults @ Bear Valley. It was pretty fun. I realized that I have some thinking to do about my place in the ministry but that's for another night or time...whatever.

But tonight, Christina and I both had the night off, so we went downtown and saw Dukes of Hazard, and went to Rock Bottom Brewery. Dukes of Hazard was pretty much what I expected....o.k...but nothing amazing. Nothing to write home about that's for sure! But it was entertaining, and there were some awesome car scenes....so at least for me who knows nothing about cars, it was cool. What is it about boys and cars??? haha. We were going to try something new down town, but it was cold and starving, so we decided to go to Rock Bottom, there was a wait so we sat in the bar, which was cool...I like their bar atmosphere, it was laid back but busy so there was a lot going on. Anyways, the food was awesome and we just talked about things that weren't depressing, for the first time in awhile. (She's going through a hard time with her husband, and my life is just in a weird/crazy/kinda depressing stage) So it was fun to just be care free and crap and not have to be stressed! Such a great feeling! ;) That's all, just a fun night! I'm going to go to bed b4 2 am on a Saturday for the first time in so long (usually I'm closing @ "The Bird"). OH....btw....can't wait to be 21! I'm so excited, because it sounds like our trip to Vegas is actually going to work for my 21 b-day! If we all have the money we want to get a hotel on the strip and then we can just go all out...and not have to worry about getting hammered...hmmm...did I just admit that! haha For all you mom's out there (because I know I'm one) we'll be safe and not stupid...=) 139 days and counting! lalalalalalala

so frustrating

I'm falling in love, and I can't get up.....I hate this about myself. I care so much about people...and then I don't know what to do....and most the time....there's never a good chance...and now I'm left to cry myself to sleep at night...that doesn't make any sense in writing....but in my head it's crystal clear. IT SUCKS...hurt's so bad and there's no one to blame the pain on...but myself...dang-it.

weird

So I've been a major slacker...but I have an excuse! Da - da - da - don! Well first off, I was in Cali for 2 1/2 weeks and then...I got home and was scheduled out the wazoo at work and I really just recooperated from that on tuesday after I had my day off! Since then I've been working some more...and I will be working lots this weekend. I've certified in two different positions at work, so that's pretty cool, and I've just been hangin out catching up on stuff here...Oh wait...one last thing that's really pretty important...

I'm accepted and registered to attend Metro! Halleluja! (sp?...I should really know..but whatever!) The one glitch in this whole story is that my biggest nightmare came true. They classified me as an out of state student. So now I get to send in my life history since I've moved to CO (seriously...I'm not even kidding, bank statements, sources of income, car registration, you name it, they want it...it's really dumb if you ask me!) Not to mention the fact that I have to get my signature notorized, as if someone else would care this much about me being an in state student! HA! Whatever, at least the good news is that I have all the information that they need and hopefully it will prove to their incompatent registrars office that I am an in-state student and I've been living in Colorado for over 2 years now...(hard to believe really, but it's freakin' true!)

So assuming that all goes well and my classification is changed (b/c there is no way in h - e double hocky sticks that I'll be paying 5K to go to a state school)...I'll be taking nutrition (which counts as a science class - pretty cool if you ask me), Intro to Business, History of something or other (it counts as 6 credits because it meets both the history and this multicultural requirement that I have to take!) I think that the fact that I'm from Sacramento should count as my multicultural credits... but for some reason I don't think that will fly with anyone! (that was not meant to be derogatory in anyway, I love that I'm from a cultured city!), Macro Economics, and Applied Hotel and Restraunt Operations...which is something just to take for fun and for interest in possible working in restraunts (beyond serving - of course) later in life...supposedly it's pretty cool, you go around to different restaurants and hotels and take tours...yeah I'll take college credit for that thank you! So anyways...it's 15 units, so it's more than I was thinking of taking...but I think I'm going to like it! Yeah great fun!

Well I think that really is officially all of the new news that I have for anyone (which I think is really no one) that reads this blog...really it's for my own knowledge that something is happening in my life! Yippeee~

The count down begins...

I leave for Cali in 2 days! I couldn't be more excited! Actually I'll probably be more excited tomorrow, and then a little more excited on Sunday...and then I'll be extatic once I land in Sacramento on Monday...so I guess it does get better than this...haha

Tonight's shift went pretty well. I was certifying a new team member (so that she can be a server) for the first 2 hours of my shift so I had someone else making money for me...which is kinda weird, but cool..haha, and then once she finished up I went on the floor and had a pretty good night. So it was a long day because I never left RR once I got their at 11:30...and I walked out the doors around 12:15...so that make for a long day. I already have 6 hours of over time this week...and I"m supposed to close tomorrow...interesting...I should probably tell a manager...we'll see if they care...I never get a pay check anyways...because of lovely taxes. NEWays....I'm tired and rambling and I think I'll go fall asleep to a movie...I have the morning off tomorrow so that should be lovely!

sweet!

Funny twist

So tonight I thought I was really in for a trip when I got a 25 top at 9:45 (15 mins before we closed) and although it did keep me a little later than I would have hoped...let's just say that things aren't always as they seem! So it was a baseball team and there were quite a few kids and a bunch of parents, well they were all really nice and the kicker is that... it turns out that the guy who was buying dinner was a close friend of Mike Synder (the head hancho at the corporate office, I want to say that he's like president/C.E.O of the company, but I'm not entirely sure...) The guy who paid for the dinner got both my name and the Manager on Duty (Jimmy), so I think he's going to be telling him good things about us! I was pretty excited about that! Not to mention I got a fifty dollar tip! That was pretty nice, and let's face it made it worth if for me!

Well I'm counting down the days! 6 days until I get to go home for 2 1/2 weeks!!! I'm so freakin' excited! I can't wait! I'm going to get in as much sunshine, fun and wakeboarding...jet skiing...catching up with friends as I can! I couldn't be more pumped! It's also going to be really great to get a little break from work! I'm not going to lie! I need a break, eventhough I do really enjoy my job...it's time for a breather! hehe

I think that's all for now...I'm going to relax and enjoy my malibu and oj! ;)

I'm a slacker...

So I've gotten a little lazy about posting...but that's partly because I've been busy as a bee lately! Yay for that! So I went to the T3 which was my final sha bam to become a trainer at my restaurant, and it was a lot of fun! I'm really excited about training so it should be great fun! I just have to complete a homework assignment for my restaurant specifically and then I get my pin! I already have my key though...it's a red robin thing...I don't know...

Anyways, I'm getting really pumped about going home to Cali for 2 1/2 weeks! I leave in 12 days! I couldn't be more excited! Yay!

Well I'm going to go sit out and tan for awhile, and then tonight I'm hangin out with Christina! Sweet deal! I have to work a ton this weekend so I'm using all my free time to relax and get pumped for the weekend! Hopefully it'll be busy and I can make some good mula! Yippee!

That's all she wrote.

The Group! Yay...CDT's. 

Steven, Jenn, Casey 

Trevor, Me, Mike and Crystal 

Tony & Crystal @ Rockies Game 

Rockies Game Tonight...

So I had the day off from work....sorta. I had a meeting at 2 and then a bunch of the CDT's are going to the Rockies game tonight! I'm excited! We'll see how it goes, I'm nervous about getting to close to anyone...just because it seems like that's when you start getting hurt...but I'm afraid that if I don't just get over it...then I'll get left out, and I don't want that. So i know it sounds weird but let's just say that it's out of my comfort zone and I'm a tad uncomfortable, but I'm going to get over it and just deal with everything. Why does everything have to be so complicated with me? huh? I just don't get it. Blah...anyways...

I left some stuff in Christina's car and so I ran by her work to get it and then we both had a little free time so we went to lunch @ Wingman...best place ever! So that was fantastically fun, a little bit rushed b/c I had to get to the meeting at 2 but it's all gravy. What else...

I think I've been complaining too much lately...I just need to change my attitude. It's time to be excited about life. WaaaaHoooo... O.k...on that note, I hope tonight is fun!

Peace out....haha....I just said that...

So it's been awhile...

So all of last week I was staying at Russel and Chrisitina's condo because they were in Nashville, Tennesse, having loads of fun at the National Pastor's convention. So I enjoyed they're tivo, big bed, and just some time to my self with lots of room! Yay!

So far this week has gone by fast. Monday nights I'm now scheduled to be a closer at work so that's pretty cool! I do have to admit I was getting a little burnt out with work last week and on Saturday I was just fed up...but so far this week has been a lot more smooth and I only have 2 more shifts to work this week, so I have a little bit lighter week and that's helped to calm my frustrations.

Oh...on Sunday I got pulled over for the first time for speeding...but I got lucky and had a nice cop pull me over and he just gave me a lecture and gave me a break. So that was a good thing considering I had just paid for my plane ticket home and my car insurance...I would have hated to pay another hefty bill on top of all that. Blah! Anyways...It was an undercover cop though....he was in a silver camero...sneaky...very sneaky.

So tonight was our last small group with these kids and I do have to say that I'm just a tad bummed. I really have loved spending time with these kids and it's really great to see them growing up and moving onto high school. But I guess there's a time for everything to end, maybe the next group of kids will be just as cool...we'll just have to find out!

Well I guess that's all...adios.

Sunday...the day of rest!

So today I got to sleep in! Yay!!! It was youth Sunday at church so I didn't have to be there for both services...so I just went to the 10:40 service! Yay for that. It was really great all the kids did a great job, they led worship, communion, ushered and lead offering. And Russel (My good friend/Jr. high Pastor) preached! He did a great job and everything went very smoothly for him. It was his first time speaking @ "Big Church" so he was pretty nervous...but handled his nerves well. Yay for him. Oh at church we (Christina and I after church was done) also ran into Will and Lindy and their new baby Whitney, and got to hold her and chat with them for awhile, so that was fun, it seems like that baby was just born yesterday and she's already 7 weeks old, but she's starting to develop more character, and can smile and make baby noises so she's super de duper cute! After church we went to Taco Bell and saw 1/2 of the church there...(o.k that's obviously an exaggeration...but there were quite a few people we knew/recognized)

Later on Christina and I ran some errands and then we came back for a mini celebration of Lynn's (colorado-adopt-a-mom) b-day which is tomorrow. We had bananna pie and it was SO GOOD! Then we went back to R&C's condo and they packed and we headed for the airport. They are going to Nashville, TN to volunteer at the National Pastor's Convention. So they'll be gone this week and then I'll pick them up bright and early next Sunday at 8am in time to get them back for church on Sunday...I'm sure they'll be just a tad exhausted. The cool thing is that I get a key to the condo while they're gone, so if I want to have my own space every now and then I can! Yay for that! I'm excited. It's nice to just have my own space that isn't confined in my ity-bity room from time to time. So sad they're leaving...but I know they'll be back! And until then I get to have fun at their house! =)

Tomorrow I have to be at work super early to watch a training class, then I work a double (with follows (a.k.a people training...it should be interesting.) Hopefully it goes by quickly because for some odd reason, I have tuesday and wednesday off. I don't mind...I just hope I don't get bored! I'm planning on working out at the gym and doing some reading...who knows what I'll do the rest of the time! We'll just have to see...stay tuned for updates!

Old Chicago...

So today after wasting a whole morning of doing nothing...[I was so bored, by the way]...I worked tonight and had a good shift...not to busy and I still made 90 bucks. Yay! Anyways I went out to Old Chicago with some people after work...let's just say it was very fun (lots of laughs) and very interesting all at the same time. That's all I'm gonna say...I honestly don't know what else to say...

Downtown Fun...

So today was a good day! Christina called around noon and she had a break between her finals, so I went downtown and had lunch with her! It was really fun because we hung out on campus for awhile, and then walked to the cheesecake factory! I also picked up an application! So that's pretty cool, I'm so excited to go to Metro State! It's such a fun enviornment, not a super friendly place...but not unfriendly. There's just a lot of people I guess. And there are so many choices for majors that I'm sure I won't have a hard time figuring out what to major in! I also found out that I can major in Art with a concentration in Photography! How cool would that be? I'm starting to really think that I might be able to do this! We'll just have to see! Let's just say I'm excited! Oh...and I'll be taking Sign Language! How cool is that! I'm excited!

Anyways that's about it...I worked this evening and it was an interesting shift...neither good nor bad...so that works for me I guess! I have two weeks left of mentoring to be a CDT then it's off to the confrence! I'm super excited!

I guess that's all...good night.

Sleep Deprived

So apparantly I just can't sleep at night. Two nights ago I was up until 4 am, and last night, I fell asleep around midnight...but then woke up at 2am, 3am, and 6am...what the heck!!! I just don't get it. Now I'm thouroughly exhausted....so what do we think the chances of me sleeping tonight are? Who knows...anyways I haven't posted in awhile...so here it goes!

Today at work (a really good shift by the way...it went smoothly!) I got 3 pins for my uniform! So I totally sound like the stupid geek from Office Space (the one with all the flair...oh goodness!) But it really is exciting! It made me feel like I was actually a little more than every other Joe Shmo server there at the restraunt. So I guess that's a little vain...but whatever, I got my pins and it makes me feel special! I'm going to the T3 in 3 weeks! I'm so excited! This is like the final sha-bam for becoming a CDT (Certified Designated Trainer) for Red Robin. It's fun, it would be interesting to see where this leads me. I really like Red Robin and think it's a good company...maybe it could lead to something more than just a job as a server! I've always thought I'd make a good manager? Hmmm...the wheels are turning. I don't know...there are so many freakin' doors open when it comes to choosing a career...that it just seems silly. How the heck am I ever going to pick a major? I guess something will just *click*. I should be so lucky...haha...

Anyways...Oh...Small group. Tonight went well again. It's technically the end of the semester so we're wrapping things up... and tonight we went to Dairy Queen...great fun! Next week we have off, and then the following Wednesday (5-25-05) we're having our final small group...tear! It really is amazing to see how much these kids have grown just in the year and a 1/2 I've worked with them. From little "sevies" (7th graders = I guess it's the new slang...I dont' know...it's just what they[8th graders] call them!) into graduating/promoting 8th graders....they're going to be in High School. I feel like a mom sorta...I'm getting all sentimental. Partly because I don't know if I'll be able to move up and be a High School leader? We'll just have to see. It would be awesome to get to stick with those kids and watch them graduate from H.S. Now that's a scary thought...haha

Well that wasn't too exciting of a post...but I'm really tired...see begining paragraph and my lack of sleep....So Good Night to All!

Happy Mother's day! (Me and my mom last summer!) I love you Mommy dearest!!!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mom's day to all you mothers/grandmothers etc....(oh...can't forget adopt-a-Colorado Mom too) out there! I hope your day was special! I called and got to talk to my mom after church and lunch [@ Noodles & Co] for about 1/2 hour so that was good! I found out that my cards didn't make it on time...so hopefully they (mom and 2 grandma's) will get them tomorrow afternoon...I guess better late than never! Hopefully they'll see it the same way =)

Work went really well tonight...it got a little bit crazy for awhile and I started to get my butt kicked...but eventually it was manageable again! Sundays really just aren't my favorite to work...but it always seems pretty busy, (at least that means there's the potential to make good money) so I don't know why so many people want them off. The only reason that I do...is because A.Church and B. it's usually my only day off, and it's the one day that Christina and I for sure get to hang out...so there. Ptttt...on everyone who doesn't want to work Sundays!

Well I guess that's all for tonight! Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite...I hope I can fall asleep tonight....last night I was pretty restless and my neck was killing me...so I iced it..and it felt much better today. O.k...now I'm done!

All in all...a good day

So today can just be summed up as a good day. This morning I slept in...(i didn't have to work...yippee) and relaxed, took my time getting ready. Talked to a few friends from CA online and did other meaningless stuff on-line. I then spent some time with Courtney and Lynn, watched 1/2 of A Walk to Remember...and then got ready for work. My shift went very smoothly...I was closing cocktailer so that was cool, I did have to work with someone that I really don't care for...but that's o.k...I just phased him first! He was happy to go home early...I was happy for him to go home! It sounds so bad, but he just get's on my nerves from time to time...he talks about meaningless stuff all the time and it takes him so long to get everything out. Plus he's not really a hard worked...I always have to pick up a table for him if he get's busy...I get stuff for his tables and all that stuff...so it's just a little bit tedious. I don't dis-like him I just would rather not work with him....is that fair? Oh well if it isn't!

Anyways, yay for a great day, tomorrow should be interesting. I'm closing again. I'm thinking it will either be slow or busy being Mother's day and all...we'll just have to see. I'm off to watch the other 1/2 of Walk to Remember...or fall asleep whichever comes first. Good night!

I think it's a record!

So this is the third post in one day. I think that's the most that I've ever blogged in one day...ever! Anyways. My shift tonight went pretty smoothly. I ended up making more than I thought once everything added up at the end. So that's always a pleasant thing. This is what I have to say...I'm definitely learning more and more about people by working in this industry. (restraunt)

This is what I've learned:

1. Most people are nice and pleasant
2. Some people are grumpy and rude
3. Other people...are just plain psycho and should have limited contact with the out side world.

Thank goodness they come in that order...but I swear some people just blow my mind...and I guees you gotta love 'em because at least they make life interesting...but some times it's just exhausting. I can't really explain it per se, but it's just the whole experience all rolled into one. You put a few people from all those categories all rolled into a 3 hour time span...and you have my reaction...haha.

So with lots of inspiration from the movie 13 Going on 30...I tried Razzles today! "First it's a Candy...Then it's Gum!!!" It was very exciting to me! Whoopee! 

Just try not to think about it...

So my life is really un-eventful. (i don't think there should be a hyphen there....but it's staying there because I'm not really sure!) Really the only things that I've got going in my life are work and church. How lame. That's how I really feel....it sucks that I feel this way about my life...but I just have to be honest. I can't believe that I'm actually going to say these next few words...but I am actually looking forward to going back to school! I can't wait! It's pretty scary when your life get's so boring you can't wait to go back to school. Oh well...what can you do? Anyways, I don't really like thinking about this so I always seem to be drowning myself out in meaningless "other" activities just so I don't have to think about things. Like watching movies..which sucks...because I always end up buying them..and then I realize how much money I've wasted on movies...oh well! Why can't I be more productive with my time...I wish I was more motivated to work out...I'm semi-motivated...but it's hard to want to work out when you know that you're going to be on your feet all day at work. It's like double time...only you only work the same muscles all the time...so nothing ever get's toned, etc. Or reading...why can't I just dive into a good book...that's at least somewhat productive. My only problem is...that usually I'll be tired and then I fall asleep in the middle of the book. That's not cool. I don't know I got kinda frustrated the other day because I realized that I can't remember the last time that I actually did something "fun". I'm pumped for my trip home this summer because I'll just hang out with friends the whole time...and that will be loads of fun! [So far I've got a day at Great America planned with Katie and hopefully a trip to the beach with Maranda and Dise] But honestly...I don't want to have to go on a vacation just to have fun. That's another thing...I wish I could go on a vacation. I want to just go with a bunch of friends to like Hawaii or something. But my best friend...is married...and that just doesn't work. Blah! I need more friends who have time to hang out. I love all of my friends dearly but...I just need more! I'm in my 20's shouldn't this be the time of my life? I just don't get it. I guess everyone goes through something like this at some point..and I've heard that a lot of people freak out about being 20 and all that crap...but it just seems dumb. So I officially give life right now a big fat PPPLLLLLLLLTTTTT! =P

I guess we just have to go on and make the best of things right?!?! Speaking of which, today is a rare occasion that Christina and I are going to get to hang out...YAY! I had the morning off...so she went into admin early and we are going to have lunch! I have to work this Sunday so we probably won't get to hang out too much...plus it's Mother's day and all that jazz...speaking of which...I really need to get those cards to the mail box...I hope 2 days is enough to get them to CA! We can only hope! Anyways...that's enough ramblings for the day....Christina is calling...yeah for having a life.

Yay for Jr. High Leaders! We're so cool! 

Relaxing Day

So today was a great day! Nothing spectacular happened per se, but it was just a good day. I ended up getting my shift picked up for today because some else really wanted to work, so I was like what the heck! I picked up two other shifts this week, so it all works out. Plus this way ended up giving me one full day off! Because I was scheduled every day this week. So...it was really nice to get to sleep in and take my time getting ready and all that jazz. I took my time this morning, I started a rough draft for the patio table chart (work) and I made flyers for the girls night out event that we're going to do with the youth group. Speaking of which. Tonight was also small group (Jr. Highers) and it went SO WELL! We actually had a small group this time and it went so smoothly. People talked a little bit, but it wasn't out of control like it has been lately. It's so exciting that the kids are bringing their friends and stuff, but we get so much more accomplished when there are fewer people there. So that was great fun! Anyways, so that was my day...pretty simple...oh for lunch I went to Frazoliz's and it was wonderful (i love that place!) and I just relaxed and ate lunch and then I finally got a chance to take my spirirtual gift assessment for college group. So now I don't feel behind and I can kind of see where I fit into this whole spectum! Yay!

Anyways, that's all I really have to update for the day. Oh...I booked my flight for the summer to go home to Cali! I'll be home from the 20th of June to the 6th of July! So far I have a day @ Great America planned with Katie, and hopefully a little adventure down south to see my good pal Paradise, and to chill at the beach! I can't wait...I so want to just veg and relax and catch up with some old friends! Heck Yes!

Alrighty then...I'm really done now!

Stupid Wednesday...Gone Happy

So today started off super weird. At 6am...(no joke...I know it's hard to believe) I woke up and I was curled up in a little ball (fetal position) and I go to stretch out my legs and this shooting pain goes stabbing through my stomach. It felt like a charlie horse in your calf...only it was my stomach, I couldn't move for about a minute and it was just weird. I was finally able to roll over and get out of bed and then it started to feel better. I just have to say...where the heck did that come from? I have no clue. So anyways...I fell back asleep only to wake up again @ 8am...(this is even unsual for me these days) So I was sitting there debating whether I could actually be productive with my day and maybe get my butt out of bed and go to the gym...I settled on semi-productive and decided to read my book instead (Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge = it's good). So I read about a chapter of that but I started to get sleepy again so I drifted off for another nap until about 10 am or so when I decided I really needed to get up for bed and start getting ready for work. I usually don't work on Wednesday mornings so I was fairly nonchalant about the whole day, didn't really matter I guess. Well after freakin' 10 minutes of trying to salvage a somewhat presentable hair do for the day I was beginning to get frustrated. Then I got to work and 1/2 of my section was taken up by another server's big top (some 87 year old's b-day, i'd be more bitter, but she was so stinkin' cute when we all sang to her) anyways...on to my grumpiness. I ended up picking up a few tables in another section (some guests wanted to sit in booths) so that was somewhat helpful at least for the bordem factor. But they ended up being crappy tippers (all but one who actually gave me a 20% tip.) Some days those just seem few and far between. But others they are pretty common...I keep having to remind myself that it all balances out in the end. Anyways...so things start to pick up and I actually get a little busy...which was kinda nice...only then another server asked me to pick up one of her tables because she was trying to get herself "out of the weeds" and that's when it all went to crap. I turned a not so big deal...into one. It would have helped if my Manager hadn't been such a crack head about it...but I can't control that so I shouldn't have let it get to me like I did...but he really just bothers me...A LOT. So back to the start of the problem. Since I picked up a table for the other server I basically got triple sat. I was doing o.k...I had gotten all their drinks and orders and things were going pretty good...until I started to see the food getting trayed up for the 6 top I had...three of those guests had ordered Fish Tacos...well being the brainiac that I was...I acidentally rang in fish&chips (the buttons are right next to each other on the computer and since I was rushed...it was an easy mistake to make...I just wish I hadn't have done it...obviously) So I caught the mistake and told the expo the problem, and he was getting it all fixed. Well Steve...the MOD doesn't do well in stressful situations and apparently whenever our restraunt has more than like 20 people in it he gets stressed...it's pretty pathetic and I don't really think he was ready to be GM of a restaraunt he had never worked in before....but what the heck do I know...I'm just a server. So Steve walks up to the tray and was like what's going on with this...Expo told him the situation... and he grumpily states, "Whose table is this" I was standing right behind him...so I said, "It's my table, I made a mistake It's totally my fault, I'm sorry." His response was...Well did you talk to the table...Maybe they would eat the fish and chips and I could just give them a discount...[ first of all I'm like...it takes 5 mins to make those fish and chips...fish tacos so let's calm the freak down....second of all...I caught the mistake before they got their food...do you want me to go and ask them if they want something the didn't order for a discount? You've got to be kidding me.] So I go to the table and tell them that the food is running a little bit long and it should be out shortly, they had no problem with that...I got them some re-fills on drinks and they were happy. Steve sees me walk by and aks me what the table said. I said they are perfectly fine waiting for their fish tacos. ARGGGHHH....He did not handle that situation well. He sounded like he was getting ready to yell at first but then when I owned up to everything he didn't know what to do with himself. He's usually really nice to me because I work really hard and don't normally make too many mistakes...but it was just dumb. I don't think that he should be our G.M and he just needs more training. He's not a bad person...he just doesn't have a lot of tact...and you really do need that as a manager. He also lacks in the area of common sense...and that's important for managing as well.

So needless to say that just pissed me off and because of my already weird day I just let it get to me. (which is something I really need to work on...I always let little things get to me and I don't know why...I'm trying to work on it...but that's easier said than done...if you know what I mean.)

Anyways, the shift got better as I got a chance to get back in my groove and cool down a little bit. I also got to vent with a few people and that always seems to help. Blah...whatever. Anyways....the day pretty much sucked, I think I walked with a woppin' 35 bucks, so that sucks a little bit, but I guess I just have to look forward to the weekend and hope it's busy. It seems like Red Robin has been on the slow side the past few weeks, but hopefully that will be changing soon here with summer just around the corner.

Blah...anyways...After work I went to the post office to mail a package to Maranda because her b-day is on Saturday! Hopefully that will be fun for her to get! It's basically just a bunch of candy and fun stuff like that...some fun little trinkets that I found that remined me of her. Then I went and got lunch @ Noodles & Co...because I was on that side of town and it had been awhile. (Maggie and I used to go there a lot for lunch when we worked @ Lakewood Dental) Then I just came home and relaxed. I haven't been feeling too hot and I was pretty tired from my off-and-on sleep attempt this morning....So that was cool...and my mood started to lighten.

Then it turned to happy because Christina (Best Friend) called and her class had been cancelled that night and she finally had time to hang out during the week! super exciting...b/c it doesn't happen too often! So I called Bobby to see if he wouldn't mind if I took the night off of Small Group (I lead a Jr. High Bible study) because he missed a few earlier in the semester and told me he owed me...so he called back and said he had no problem! Which just plain made me happy!

So...Then I went to Christina's and we watched TLC for a little while (it had been awhile for me so it was kinda fun) and then went down town for dinner @ La Fondu and a movie...A lot Like love...with Ashton Kutcher in it. It was hillarious and very cute. All in all it was a great end to a bad beginning. Yeah for sun at the end of a cloudy day....ironic as it is that it was raining tonight...but whatever.

I think this is officially the longest post I've ever written...if not...it's definitely the longest in quite awhile...but I'm tired of typing and quite frankly it's getting late so I'm going to throw on some Friends (yay for seasons on DVD) and fall asleep. I have to work again tomorrow so hopefully...that will go just a tad more smooth than today's extravaganza! yippee....off to never never land.

Good Night

Thunder

So aparently the rain isn't going to be letting up for too long (it rained all afternoon/evening yesterday). There's been about 3 loud cracks of thunder in the last like 10 mins. Yay, fun....What I can say is....at least it's not snow! hehe Nothing too exciting going on today...I've got my training for CDT today at one and then I'm working at 4 pm. yippee for that. Hopefully people will face the weather and go out to eat...I'll keep my fingers crossed.

The only man in my life...haha 

Tired....so very tired....

Today was a long day. The restraunt was super slow this morning...so my day shift was close to useless as far as making money goes...tonight was interesting...started off a tad rocky...then it got better...but I'm just tired. Oh well. I have tomorrow off, and I'll work on my CDT training, prepare a message for Sunday, and then go out with Maggie and Jaclyn for dinner/drinks. Hopefully that will be fun! I'm off to never land!

It's Official!!!

So yesterday morning I had my informational meeting/ interview with an assistant manager @ Red Robin to become a CDT...and as of last night, it's official! I'm going through the program and I'm doing it!!! Yeah!!! I'm really excited! I've learned to enjoy the corniness that is Red Robin, and all it's little quirks! I'm really excited that I'm taking this next step up the ladder too! So all in all this weekend has been pretty top notch! I start training tomorrow around 1! Yip Skip. Hopefully it's all it's cracked up to be!

Today went well...

So my opening shift went really smoothly...the meeting to become a CDT is on Saturday morning! Yip Skip! I also picked up another shift tonight, so it's been a long day! Tomorrow, I work in the morning and then I get to hang out with Christina for awhile, and then we're going to Michelle D's Jr. Piano Recital then out to Chili's for our famous ritual of chips...salsa...queso....and multon lava cake! Yippee! Can't wait!

Exciting!!!

So today, I'm opening at Red Robin!!! I wasn't scheduled to open but I picked up a shift, and it's really exciting because it will hopefully show them that I'm capable of the responsibilities that go along with opening and having those "better" sections @ the Restruant. It seems really silly, and I'm sure it'll be like every other day there...but it's exciting! Plus it will confirm that they want me to be a CDT. Yippee! Anyways....that's all I have for this morning! I hope the shift goes well, should be great fun.

Hope

I wish there was a way to describe in words all that the word "hope" entails. For me it's not just a word, or an expression; it goes deeper than that. It's like peace in that you know that things will work out, but it's more than that...because there is suspense and excitement: the unknown. I don't really understand everything that the word means, but I know I both need and have it...and it's part of why I'm alive today.

These were some of dictonary.com's definitions...

1.To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic. To have confidence; trust.
3.To look forward to with confidence or expectation:
4. To expect and desire.
5. A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment.
6. Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope.
7. One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory.
8. Often Hope Christianity. The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help.
9. Archaic. Trust; confidence.

that's all...

Arent' we just too cute! 

So dumb...

So I had this huge long blog entry typed up about Katie and my's weekend of fun when she was here for easter....I went to publish it and all of the sudden the server was down or some mumbo jumbo like that....so I was like..I'm not typing all of that again...so you can read about our weekend on Katie's blog http://livefrombayloruniversity.blogspot.com She left out getting pedicures and me freaking her out with my choice of Hot Pink! Hehe. (to give her some slack she was bombarded with pink as a young child since her b-day is Valentine's day...so I guess she can hate it....)

So there you have it...that was our weekend!

Katie is Here!!!

My cousin Katie is here from Texas, and it's so exciting! We haven't had many chances to spend good quality time with each other in a long time, and we're definitely making up for lost time! Hehe. It's been snowing so that's a little bit sad....but tomorrow it's supposed to be snowy. It's also cool....just because Katie doesn't get to see snow that often! So yipee for that! I'll give a synopsis of our weekend later! I'm just so happy she's here!

Denver: My life in a snow globe!

So after a few lovely days of 50/60 degree weather...Denver pulled a fast one on us and it is now snowing (as it has been for the last 24 hours!) So crazy...anyways, I was sitting in my car on my way to Wal-Mart to pick up pictures...and I realized that I now know what it feels like to be in a snow globe. It was coming down fast with a little bit of wind...so it looked cool and reminded me of those rather pointless decorations! Haha...yay for useless information! Anyway, work has been going really well, and it is fun to know that my hard work is appreciated. It's been awhile since that's happened! It's not anywhere close to what I want to do with my life...but it's great for now! Honestly I'm making exactly the same if not more than what I made @ stupid lakewood dental associates, so I'm so happy! And for goodness sakes...I'm 20 years old, who ever said that I had to be so focused on my career...I'll be doing that for the rest of my life. So for now I'm perfectly content! Yippee!

My cousin/bestest pal Katie is coming to town in 10 days and I CAN'T WAIT!!! I'm so excited to spend an entire weekend with her that I just can't help but be extatic! (spelling?) I just hope that the snow goes away and gives us a nice beautiful weekend so we can have lots of fun! Not that we wouldn't anyways...but you know...it's more fun when the sun is shinning! Now I just have to figure out lots of fun stuff for us to do!

Anyways, I think that's about all the excitement that I have to report about today. I'm going to attempt to go to sleep early tonight...but I have my doubts that will work...because it hasn't been lately. My goal is 11pm....we'll see if it happens! Sweet dreams everyone!

My new hair color! I love it! 

I'M SO BORED.....

I am so incredibly bored...my day has been unproductive, and I don't want to do anything that I need to get done. This is a dumb day....and it's cold outside...(that really has nothing to do with my being unproductive though...) Did I mention that I was bored....only I'm finding all of these nonsense things to do....so dumb...whatever....hopefully tomorrow will be better!

Mystery

You know how you meet some people and you never can tell what they are thinking, or how they feel about you....it's just frustrating! There's someone like that in my life right now, and I wish I could just read their mind. It would make things so much easier. That's all I have to say right now....

"Friends are God's way of taking care of us." - annonymous quote 

Able to smile again...

I just have to say...Life is good.

Things I'm thankful for....

*not getting up at 6 am every weekday

*not being super stressed out about work

*not working for a bad company

*feeling appreciated

*having great friends!

*My family

*My adopted family

*God's mystery

*Colorado

*New opportunities

*Laughing at myself

*Time...to grow, to experience life, and to learn

Beauty

You should see the stars tonight
How the shimmer and shine so bright
Against the black they look so white
Come on down from such a height
To reach me now.
You reach me now.

You should see the morning flight
cutting cross the misty night
softly dancing in sunshine
reflections of this light.

you reach me now
you reach me now

how could such a thing
shine it's light on me.
and make everything...beautiful again

You should feel the sun in spring
Coming out after a rain
Suddenly all is green
Sunshine on everything.

i can feel it now
I can feel you now

How could such a thing
Shine it's light on me
And make everything beautiful

And you should hear the angels sing
All gathered 'round there king
More beautiful than you could dream
I've been quietly listening

I can hear them now.
I hear them now.

How can such a King
Shine his light on me
And make everything...beautiful

And I want to shine
I want to be light.
I want to tell you it'll be alright.
I want to shine
I want to fly
Just to tell you now, it'll be alright.

it'll be alright.
it'll be alright.

Cuz i got nothin' on my own to give to you
But this light that shines on me, shines on you.
And makes everything beautiful again.

IT'LL BE ALRIGHT
IT'LL BE ALRIGHT.
***David Crowder Band "Stars"***

No matter what happens, I'll be alright, if nothing else in the world I have the beauty of God's creation. But he has blessed me with so much more than that. God is amazing even when life falls off it's axis.

Heaven's to Murgatroid

So it's been about a month since I wrote that last entry... Anways swing dancing is a blast and I want to learn how to do it really bad (because I really had no clue what I was doing!!!)....I tried to make it my new year's resolution, but that hasn't been going too well. Whatever - it's not like I ever stuck to any other one that I've made. Such is life!!!

The latest update is that I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice tomorrow at work(Lakewood Dental Associates). Today was a miserable day for me and I've had it. I'm tired of going home unhappy. Every day I wake up and try to have a positive attitude and look-out on the day. Then it get's squished, ripped, battern, torn and just absolutely mangled every day that I'm there....

The kicker for me was getting off work and feeling irritated that I had to go to small group tongiht. I ABSOLUTELY love going there and being with those kids, and to have the feeling that I was frustrated to go hang out with them makes me feel so sick to my stomach. The fact that I'd rather sit in my room and just try to sleep it all off or watch a movie is just disgusting. I just can't stand being so unhappy, and I've tried so hard to ignore my issues, but the problems conflict with some of the things that I believe are so heavily instilled in my heart that I just can't ignore them. Things should be done right and fairly, and it's just not happening.

My letter of resignation is signed and I think that I'm finally ready to cut this cord out of my life. I've been nervous because I don't have another job lined up to replace the one that I'm leaving, but there was something that I learned this summer @ Base camp that keeps ringing in my head, and that is that God is Real and he wants me to LIVE. And part of that requires me to have faith that he will provide for me. I might have to change a few things in my lifestyle, but it will all work out in the end. His will will be done. What ever happens is in his hands now, and I'm finally ready to trust him...am I saying that it doesn't terrify me...no...I'm scared, but I have both peace and hope to balance out the fear!

Anyways, Small group made me so happy tonight. These kids are so much fun. They talk far too much....but what can you really expect...hehe I can't wait to see what God has in store to teach them and our entire group this semester. It should be fun...it usually is!

Well on that note, I leave myself hoping for sunnier days ahead! I can't wait to be happy in the work place. I'm thrilled with the rest of my life....it's just this one part that I can't seem to cut out that is just bringing me down. It gives me the chills just to think about how frustrated I am. BLAH....I'm going to try to get back in the habbit of writing in this thing...it seems to come in spirtz! Happy days ahead, PRAISE GOD FOR EVERY DAY NO MATTER HOW BAD IT STINKS!!!

Shall we dance?

so i went swing dancing tonight....great fun....but need sleep...just putting this hear to remind myself to finish this entry! good night, sleep tight and DON'T let the bed bugs bite!

Fun with crutches

So I have once again *dazzled* the world with my amazing clutziness. Yesterday after getting home from our hectic road trip from Vegas to Denver, I was in a hurry to get to work and wouldn't you know I would trip off of a step and sprang my ankle. What a winner. Needless to say it didn't pay off to be in a hurry. Oh well...live and learn! So now I'm on crutches for at least a week, and in a air cast...that's what the doctor called it, basically it's just a cast that goes up both sides of my ankle and then is wrapped with an ace bandage for support. it's great fun! I really don't like the feeling of being helpless, but what are you going to do? I guess I need to learn to depend on other people and trust that I'll always be taken care of. My co-workers at work sent me flowers so that was awfully sweet of them! I was surprised to say the least! I hobbled around all over work today so that was great fun, the best highlight of the day was that since I couldn't drive, Lynn had to pick me up from work and I had to go to Courtney and Anna's swim practice with them, and let's just say they're coach is pretty hot!!! hehe He's also a really good swimmer, now all I have to do is get to know him...hmmmm not likely, but whatever! It makes me smile! I'll fill in about the rest of the trip later, I'm pooped! Time to listen to some Jeremy Camp and relax with a good book!

Life is....Weird

So I guess I don't know how to sum up my day. I have this weird feeling that I don't know whether to be happy or frazzled, I'm just both so in reality I'm just numb. I think that's how I'm going to survive the rest of this week, just be numb. Shoot me up with some novicane and I'm set. sigh.....It was mostly an emotional roller coaster at work (for once in a long time though there were more ups than downs - hense the confusion!), then I came home, ate dinner and just kind of vegged out because I just didn't feel like my brain could handle much more for the day. Left over Olive Garden, Kool-aid and pj's -who could ask for more??? [let's not go there] I do have to say whoever decided to put Friends on dvd is a beautiful person! Yay, for them! Now I've got to start thinking about packing for home! Hmmmm...finding the suit case....no there's a challange!

question mark

So I'm on this "let's use all of this negative energy for good" kick. Since work has been driving me insance I've decided to get back into going to the gym. I ran 4 miles today, and did a bunch of ab stuff! It actually helps me avoid thinking about the stuff that is driving me nuts, but at the same time is that simply ignoring my problems and playing just pretend??? I don't know, at this point I'm just going to keep at it b/c it make me less crazy and it has amazing adverse affects on the potential of getting back into shape!!! So we'll see.

My goal right now is simply to keep God as my focus, it's tough because I keep trying to close my eyes, but that's the goal I'm striving for. I really would love a lightening bolt about now, because I just don't think I have the spiritual gift for following God's direction. It seems like every time I'm confident that I do, life end's up happening and the plans change with the chaos of life. I can't decide whether I did the right thing (I guess there's no turning back now), whether I'm doing the right thing RIGHT NOW, and whether what I'm thinking about doing might be the right decision. It all makes sense to me, but does it make sense to God and does it fit into HIS plan? I guess I'm just baffeled at this thing called life.

This summer at base camp, I analyzed my life and basically asked God to take control of my life, I told him I needed his direction, and that if I needed to change anything in my life to better serve him, than I was ready to change it. The whole time I'm thinking, how do I *literally* give everything up to God. I've attempted to do it so many times in my life, but does it need to be taken to the next level? Does it simply mean, quit the job you know you're not happy at, and trust God to provide something better for you, or is that foolish??? Because then what happens when that *something* doesn't come around??? I just don't know how to interpret what the heck I should do with myself. Because it would be foolish to quit my job with out something else lined up, but would it also be foolish to continue to come home miserable every day during the week, get pumped up and refocused at the end of each day or the weekend whatever, and then look for jobs in my spare time??? That kind of drags out this whole process of transitioning and it doesn't require a lot of faith that God will provide for me no matter what happens.

I really just feel like a giant question mark right now. My hope would be that God could straighten me out to become an EXPLANATION POINT!!! I feel like that's how I used to feel about life, and now I still feel that excitement for life, but it takes so much effort to be happy and to think positively; if I didn't have the hope in Christ that I do, I think I would be incredibly miserable and a huge giant grouch! But THANK GOD, I have a hope instilled in my heart that allows me to refocus, and adjust my crappy attitudes.

Here I am, hoping and praying for an arrow pointing me in the right direction! I know it's not that easy, but I know that eventually God will make himself clear in the direction I should go. If I make the wrong discretion, then he'll point me a different way, I'm used to it! Until next time, I'm outta here!

Dare 2 Share

God is Good...All the time! I'm so thankful for the times that God knows that I need a refresher or something to help refocus my priorities that make him #1. This weekend (Friday Night - Now) I was a leader for Bear Valley's youth group at the Dare2Share confrence at the Denver Collasium. There were over 8,000 people there, making it the largest dare to share conference yet! It was a really exciting time, and it was awesome to be reminded about how great our father's love for us is, and how he has forgiven even our most shameful sin, and he is just so amazing. Today the kids were challanged to go door to door asking for donations for the denver rescue mission, and to initiate conversations about what they had just learned about the gospel. It serves as a tool to get them prepared to deal with what they need to know and say when it comes to sharing the love and knowledge of Christ with the world, especially their friends at school and their families. Anyways, it was just wonderful because I've really been needing a reminder of God's power and a reiteration of his true characteristics, and not the one that Satan attempts to feed me when I am weak. The cool things was that collectively over 45,000 lbs. of food (that filled 14 trucks!) was collected for the rescue mission! So that alone was awesome, not to mention the people that were touched my the kid's conversations and enthusiasm! Then to top off the already awesome weekend was a concert with the David Crowder Band, which is ALWAYS A BLAST!!! They are so much fun. At one point they had everyone linking arms and jumping, so the audience looked like ocean waves made out of people. How sweet is that! Anyways, God is truly amazing and he's the reason I'm living. Jesus Christ's love for the world will never fully be understood on this earth, but only when we get to the point were we are being placed in our home for eternity! My prayer is that place would be heaven for everyone I know and love, if you don't have this amazing gift I'd love to chat!

Some days

SOME DAYS i JUST WANT TO DO THIS....

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAA
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And there you have it...my day

Busy bee

Well I haven't updated this thing in awhile, so here it goes. Work has been going o.k, and I've really been cracking down on getting some school work done, so needless to say I've been keeping busy! I was baptized last Sunday (yay!) and I found out that I'm going home soon!!! I'll be back in cali for a week! Yeah for holidays! I'm coming home to visit family and friends for thanksgiving the 19th-27th! I'm excited.

I can't think of other things that have been going on because it's Friday and my brain is fried, but tonight I'm going to support my friend Chrissy and see her art work on display. She's into graphic and web design. I think it will be cool! Maybe I'll get to see some awesome work, it would be cool to see some photography as well!!!! I'm not sure if there will be any but we'll see, I guess. Anyways, I should be on my way to pick up Michelle D. Yip Skip!!!

the crazy walrus tries sushi...hmmm 

grandma and grandpa at the train museum over the weekend 

lalalalalala.....it's been awhile.

Why, this love that never leaves me
Why are You holding me tonight
Can't deny this love that is given me
Why, this love will never leave me.

All I can say is that when it rains, it pours, BUT God's love some how makes everything o.k. It doesn't change what's happening, but if you truly believe in Him, you know that everything will be o.k, and his love is present no matter what you do. It's truly amazing that God can take care of so many people in so many very different ways.

Today was a little bit better at work, nothing to rave about, and it's not back to normal, but hopefully there's at least a little bit of hope to hang on to. The truth of the matter is, that I'm not ready to get a new job, I still like the job I have, I just need to know that "the management" cares about the job, and the office, it's just not a good feeling, when someone expects everything to be done for them for no good reason at all....that sounds silly but what are you gonna do.

Anyways I went to see Megan and Abby's (kids from small group) in there Jr. High School's Drama play, it was actually good! From what they were talking about it sounded like no one knew their lines or where to go, but they did great, a few hang ups but nothing that took away from the play so that was good! Anyways, that's all for today, hoping for better days ahead, but if they don't come...at least I've got God's love. Yippeeee!!!

If only we could choose our family

I feel like there's nothing to hope for when it comes to my family and all of their incredibly stubborn attributes. I've come to the unfortunate realization that it's going to take a miracle for my family to ever be able to function normally again (I should say normal for us anyways). I'm going to have to get used to the fact that I won't be celebrating holidays or going on vacation with that side of the family anymore. My grandma will finally get her wish, we won't have to celebrate christmas and she can just go to work and escape from the world like she wants to. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I wish I didn't feel so incredibly helpless. I don't understand why any of this stuff is happening, and I can't do anything to help the problem. Why? Why? Why? The never ending question to this thing we call life. I feel like today has been a day of defeat. That's not the case, but it's just been one of those days that it's really hard to see the positive. I can't and never will expect my life to be perfect, but there's somethings that I wish I could skip, I just hope and pray that I'm at least able to learn something from all of this stuff that seems to be going on in my life. I wish I had a fast foward button, but then I know for a fact that I wouldn't learn anything. I just pray that God gives me the strength to focus on him, and not all the things that are going on in my life now. Hoping for happier days to come!

AH HA!!!

I finally figured out how to post pictures! Yeah for technology...This makes me so happy, I could sing a song...but dont' worry, I won't. =P

Scenes from a rainy day 

Adventures with Cake.... 

The Wait is Over

Well Russel and Christina are married! Yippee!!! Congrats to them and their new life together! The wedding was a blast and everything turned out to be quite beautiful! I took a few pics...oh just 8 rolls!!! It was really fun and I'm so thankful that I did, because I have two possible wedding settings, now that Christina has been showing off her album!!! How awesome is that! I would love to photograph weddings on the side of what-ever I end up doing with my life! It would be so much fun! And I'd love to be able to give these couples pictures of their wedding day that they love, by capturing the emotions of the day. I think it's awesome that people enjoy my work, and I love the fact that photography is remaining a part of my life! I'm starting to think that I'd like to be a high school photography teacher! It's all too crazy to think of right now, but I think that would be so much fun...a challange no doubt, but fun and rewarding!

Well life is officially back to normal, now that all the wedding planning is done! Great fun! Now it's time to get started on getting my on-line classes done! ptttt....school....sigh...=)

Good times

Today after work (which went very well by the way) I stopped by CCU to see the old roomies and friends that I made last year! It was really great to see everyone! Such a blessing to be recieved with such open arms! I'm excited that the friendships aren't going to end just because I'm no longer a student at CCU. It's neat to see the bonds that are formed and hopefully the ones that will stay in tact!!!

I'm determined that I really need to take a look at all of the things I'm committing to, and get together a schedule. I have quite a few goals that I want to achieve these next few months, and I need to get an action plan for them!!! I think that after the wedding is over, it will all start to pan out! That's just kind of been my focus for the past few weeks! I know that Russel and Christina will be much less stressed when the day is all over and they will live happily married after! There's just absolutely so much stinkin' planning involved!!! Craziness....anyways, I think tomorrow I'm getting my nails done, and I'm going to try to relax and just take a breather before things get really crazy! Still can't believe it's already here...So long Christina Rich...hello Christina Dains.

Anyways, I've truly been blessed with amazing friends!!! I'm so thankful for so many wonderful people in my life! Praise God for placing them in my life, I only hope that I can give back what has been given to me!

Time's just a tickin'

Well I can't believe how fast the summer has flown by. Christina is getting married in 6 days, and it seems unreal! I'm so excited for her and Russel, because they are definitely ready to be married! They're wedding should be absolutely beautiful! It will be so great to see everything come together! I'm expecting to have a blast! It will be fun to get all dolled up and everything! Sometime this week, I'm going to get my nails done, thursday is the bachelorette party, friday is the rehersal and dinner, and then saturday is her big day!!! I'm excited to help out on the wedding photography! But it will be tough to be in the wedding party and help get all the pictures posed and organized! It's a task I'm willing to handle though!!! Yippee! Anyways, today another one of the bridesmaids and I went shopping to get fun presents for the bachelorette party! We found a couple of gag gifts so that should make it fun!!! I'll keep updating with the latest in wedding details! That's the talk of the town around these parts lately! With good reason, I might add!

Photo Fun

So today was definitely a day centered around photography! I spend most of the afternoon at work, researching digital SLR cameras and all the accessories we would need to take photos of teeth, as well as before and after pictures for cosmetic cases, I hunted and searched for the right stuff at the best price...and finally decided I'd just go to Wolf camera so I might be able to see some of the stuff, so I stopped by Wolf Camera to get an estimate for all of the snazzy stuff we would need because they didn't really have everything in the store, but anyways...that took far too long, because they were swampped with business. (I ended up looking for everything on-line tonight instead...and it looks like you don't have to pay tax / shipping and handling if you buy the camera on-line. Sounds like a cool deal to me. We're getting the Nikon D70 digital SLR...which sounds like It's quite an amazing camera! I'm sure it will be, I've been impressed with my Nikon! I love it!

So...Then I decided I would run to Wal-Mart to pick up all of the prints for Darcy and Ramey's senior portraits. They turned out really nice, and they made like a million extra which I guess will be good for the girls, and good for me because I didn't have to pay extra for them! =) That's always a good deal. Plus the girl who was ringing up all my stuff was complimenting my work, which made me feel good too!

It's such a neat feeling, to know that other people like what I've been able to create in a portrait, or a photograph. I'm really starting to think that this might be it. I can totally picture myself having a career in photography, or at least doing a bunch of it on the side. My dream would be to have my own studio, but I'm sure that will take a lot of patience and determination. It makes me happy when I see prints turn out good, I feel like I have worth, and that I've accomplished something important. Both of those feelings are ones I love experiencing, I don't know...when I think about photography and the possibility of becoming a photographer, it just makes me smile, and I feel good inside. I think the right combination of confidence as well as more education and experience, could yield to a career in photography....HOW AMAZING WOULD THAT BE????

Anyways...I'll dream of someday being able to afford the camera we're getting for the office....ZZZ.......

Been awhile

Well last week to free me from my boredom (I guess???) I got a random phone call from a family asking me if I would like to house sit for the weekend. So I packed up all the important stuff...you know like clothes and stuff to do and headed over there to take care of Sally the dog, a betta fish, and an african chilid fish...suprisingly enough both fish lived through the experience! Yippee! Apparantly I'm only capable of killing my own fish that I want to live. [long story] I'll have to tell sometime. I put all the blame on Pet'smart. Anways, so that went fine. I also babysat for Dr. Z this weekend so him and and the mrs. could get out one last time before they have their new baby. Then on Sunday Christina, Chrissy and I drove up to Cherry Creek to spend the quite afternoon looking at these insanely HUGE houses. We got to walk though one, because there was an open house. It was going for the mere price of 2.3 million I think. No biggie, just pocket change....I CAN'T BELIEVE PEOPLE LIVE IN HOUSES THAT COST THAT MUCH!!! They had their own tennis court, on 4.3 acres, a completely landscaped garden complete with a fountain, a circular driveway, a custom built bar, two sunrooms (one off of the bar/social room, and the other off the master bedroom, 2 master closets, one complete with a center rack (from floor to ceiling) JUST FOR SHOES....it was like Princess Mia's closet from Princess Diaries...or Jenna Rink's, from 13 going on 30 (I've been watching too many chick flicks.) anyways, I don't remember how many bathrooms there were, they were all in random places I think. Oh...there were also 2 laundry rooms, one upstairs and one down. And truthfully the one thing that I couldn't get out of my mind, was that if this house were in California (home to me) then it would be even more expensive. It just baffles my mind that people live on that kind of cash. If people who lived in multiple million dollar homes could just down grade to a million dollar home (or less for that matter) and give the rest to a third world country.....the world would be a better place, and less people would go to bed starving every night. It just blew my mind. These houses were amazing though, beautiful architecture and all that jazz they were all custom built, but I just couldn't imagine all of the money that goes into not only buying a house like that, but maintaining it, decorating it, wow....can't even really fathom it.

Anways, so after we oowweed and awwwed over all the pretty houses, that we would never live in, we grabbed some Jamba juice, dropped Chrissy off at church (she gets there early to help set the service up) then Christina and I picked up pictures from good old wally world, and then went to the door. The service was pretty good, they seem to be getting better and more relavant to my life anyway. It's one of those services that you never know what you're going to get. After the service I went over senior pictures with the parents and kids that I just took this last week, and they narrowed them down to 5 pics, so that made me happy that I only had to deal with 10 pictures (overall). Now that they've made there choices...I just have to get them printed! Yippee! Now I have to get into wedding picturem mode, so that I can hopefully get some good shots at Russel and Christina's wedding! I'm going to put together an album, and I hope I get some good shots, then I can add wedding to my portfolio as well!

Well I guess that's all for tonight, I've got some catching up to do on reading and the most dearly beloved...sleep!

Such a slow week

I don't know why, but I just feel like this week is dragging on. I haven't done anything that exciting, and work has for some reason been slow...I guess it's because I'm finally caught up on all my work (it hasn't been like that for about 4/5 months now) It's a nice feeling, but I miss the rushed feeling. It helps motivate me! OH WELL!!! What can you do?

I signed up for my 2 on-line classes tonight. I'm excited to have something else to work on and a goal to accomplish. I can't wait until I'm a resident and can go back to real school! (you know - where you actually have to go to class!) Talked to mom and dad tonight! Good times!

Oh...I DON'T HAVE TO MOVE! I'm going to stay where I'm at for just 200 bucks a month! Now that's a steal! I'm with people that I like and I don't have to blow all of my dinero! That makes me happy! Now there's room to play and save! Yay!!!

I hope something exciting happens soon! Don't really care what....just something different from the same ole' same ole.

I guess that's all for this extremely slow day of my life, that most likely won't matter in the long run...How devastating.

Work went slow today, but nothing traumatic happened, and for some reason everyone and there mother was bringing us goodies to snack on all day! So my sweet tooth definitely was fufilled! Someone sent us these amazing cookies!!! Yummm! Anways aside from all the food, it was a great day. This last weekend was really fun, on friday I officially became a liscenced Colorado driver, then on Saturday I took senior portraits for two girls I know from youth group. I got the pics back on monday and they look great! I'm really happy with the results! Anways...hopefully they will be happy as well! I've decided that I think I will apply for a second job with Kiddie Kandids, they have all the fun backgrounds and cute kid pictures (usually found in the mall)...if nothing else my schedule just won't work for them and I'll get over it, but at least I'll know that I tried! I just love taking pictures, and think it would be neat to work behind a camera all day! Especially since I would be taking pictures of cute little kids! I was talking to the girls at lunch about how much I love photography, and I found out that one of them really needs to update her family pictures, so I'm going to take pictures this fall when every thing starts to change colors! I'm excited about that, because it's something that I've never done before! It adds another example to my portfolio! And that's always exciting to me!!! Yay! I've got to go see what I can have for dinner, and possibly watch a movie tonight! Yippee!!

Today was a fun day! Nothing too exciting, but just over all had a great day. I went to work this morning and got everything that I needed to accomplished around noon, so Maggie and I left around 12:30 which is always nice! I like having short, quiet Fridays! Then I ran home really quick to get my birth certificate, and went to the department of revenue (comparable to CA's DMV) and got my new Colorado license. Kinda scary...I'm really doing it, I'm becoming a resident of Colorado!!! I'm actually excited about it. I'll definitely be keeping all of my California stuff though, because it will always be home to me! Anyways, then I came home and Christina and I went to borders to look at bridal magazines to help find ways to do her hair for her wedding. We found some cool ideas, so that was awesome because she's got her trial hair appt. Tomorrow evening! I'm going with her for moral support as well as to take pictures! Which I never have a problem with! =) Then I came home and started 13 to 30, then went to Anna's soccer game, then came home to finish my movie have dinner, and get ready for tomorrow! I also cleaned my room, and am doing laundry, because it was so very needed! Nothing like waiting for the last minute when you need clean clothes! Anways, there was a gorgeous sunset tonight that appeared as we were leaving the soccer game. The sky was all shades of pink, blues and purples along with some orange and yellow! SO PRETTY! Anyways, I've got a busy day tomorrow! But it beats being bored! Yippy Skippy!

Peace....(lol)

Well, nothing too exciting for today. I did get a new ring (sterling silver...nothing too snazzy) that fits on my thumb...which is hard to find! But it's very cute! I also got a couple new belts which I needed! OH and....13 going on 30...such a cute movie! I'm gonna watch it tomorrow night! I'm pumped! I had a lovely conversation with my mom and started to watch Big Fish but kept drifting in and out of sleep and getting lost in the movie. That's all.

So today was stupid...I'm not sure if my brain was ever working, but I guess it's o.k now that I'm home. I just kept getting really frustrated with myself, which I think has to be the worst feelings ever. I am thinking about getting a tattoo though....I've got what I might want on the inside of my ankle and it's a symbol for hope, and throughout the day it helped remind me to just keep my head up and just know that God was going to get my through. I think it's been the one time that I've seriously considered it since I drew it on my ankle. Who knows? The idea of permanent really scares me. So it just started hailing and raining and it's windier than all get out outside. Not to mention lightening is flashing about every other second and the sky just keeps filling up with light streaks. It's amazing but insane all at the same time! It definitely seems like Colorado is coming out of the drought, because there's been quite a few storms like this one since I've been here! Wow...that only goes to show how incredibly intricate the universe must be. It's things like this that show God's power so eloquently. It seems like he should just ride down one of those lightening strikes and appear on earth! I feel very small needless to say. Hmmm...maybe I should get a tattoo of a lightening bolt...hmmm...probably not. Anyways so back to my day, after I was done being brain dead at work, my day got better! I went an checked out another apartment complex before they closed, they were 100 bucks more a month than some of the other ones I've seen, so I don't know if I'll go back to tour them...just in case I really like them. That's kinda a waste of 100 bucks you know? Then I went to Wolf Camera to check out tripods and found one that I really liked that wasn't too outrageous! That made me very happy! So I have a new toy to play with, plus it will come in handy this weekend when I take Darcy and Ramey's senior portraits (two kids/friends from the youth group). I'm pretty pumped with that...although...I really hope the weather cooperates...I'll have to check the forecast for this weekend. Oh then I stopped by king soopers because it was definitely a veg and eat ice cream day! I watched the season finale of Outback Jack and was very happy with his choice! It's encouraging to know that he didn't pick the girl that clung on to him physically, but rather the girl who he grew to love a little more each day. I agree with one of his last statements were he said, "Instant love or attraction isn't necessarily going to last, I want a love that grows stronger each and every day." That's what I hope to find if I ever fall in love one of these days. Anyways, that was all cute and fun, I was just very excited that he picked Natalie instead of Marissa.! O.k...so it's lame to get so into a tv reality show...but I promise it's the only one I've watched consistantly since the Bacherolette. HeHe! Every once-in-a-while I find one that actually catches my attention!

Anyways, that's all the excitement for today, I hope that tomorrow goes a little bit smoother, and my brain decides to join me =) I'm going to paint my nails, clean my messy room, e-mail the director of res life @ CCU and hopefully get a devo in tonight! I need to start looking at some portraits to get my mind in the creative mood! I can't wait to do some photography again! It's been far too long...well aside from digital which is generally snap shots. I've gotten some cool shots from digital pictures, but I'm excited to use my camera again. It's always safe behind that big guy! O.k...I don't know why, but that storm got me all pumped up and I can't stop typing...but I've got stuff to do...so adios. God bless

Today was a fun day! At work, all the girls went to lunch at the Garrison St. Station! Then I came home, returned R&C's wedding gift (that someone else bought off their registry again! grr!) and then went shopping! Well worth it! I got baby wrapping paper so that I can send beth's baby shower gift! Hopefully it'll get there in time =) It's kinda freaking me out that this summer is coming to an end sooner than later....It went by so stinkin' fast! I still have to get registered for my on-line classes, find an apartment, and all that other stressful stuff! Then once I get an appartment, I'm gonna have to find furniture....craziness! That will at least be fun...even though it's spending a ton of $$$ oh well! I'm good at that!

Yesterday the shower went well, so that makes me happy! I think Christina felt pretty special, and I know her and Russel had fun putting all their new stuff in the Condo! I think that helps them know that it's actually getting closer to "their day", which they're both anxious to come!

I think that one thing that I've been learning a lot about is that...the more you give, the more you get back in return. I've been filled with so much joy these last couple of days just simply doing things for everyone else. God's just been sending the service and the love right back to me! It's been an interesting year to say the least, but one thing I know, God's not even close to being done with me yet! He's still got to clue me in on what he wants me to do with my life! I have so many ideas...I just can't pin-point one to fly with. Oh well, in the right time I'll know!

That's a wrap.

I'm feeling very purple today! I've been planning Christina's bridal shower all weekend, and it's finally going to happen! I've got the purple and white streamers up, purple plates for cake, purple wrapped prizes for all of the corny bridal shower games. Did I mention there was a tad bit of purple around lately? J/k...Then tomorrow morning I've just got to shop for the food (hopefully the food won't be purple!), and frost and decorate the cake! Anyways, I hope everything goes smoothly, and Christina has a good day being pampered!

Today we finished putting all of the bridesmaid's bouqets, and bouteiners together. So the flowers are done and happy! Yippee! I can't believe they are getting married in a month! Everything seems like it went so fast! Well I guess I'll call it a night. Gotta get up early tomorrow morning to get everything ready!