Octopus In My Head???

So I've decided that some roller coasters aren't fun. Roller coasters are generally full of fun; twists and turns and gut quenching thrill. But I have found one type of roller coaster that I can't stand...emotional roller coasters are NOT fun. I feel as though my mood can change with the blink of an eye these days. My days are remarkably better than they were 2 weeks ago, but there are still times when I can’t think of anything aside from the relationship that I just watched shatter into a million pieces. I just wish that he would come crawling back so I could say…Ha! No Way MISTER!!! The thing that hurts the most is that this will never happen, so I will never get my chance to hurt him with rejection the same way that he hurt me. It’s horrible to think like that and I know that doing this will never make me feel any better…but that’s how my evil head works. Most days I’m over the whole situation, but there is still a part of me that wonders what I did wrong, why couldn’t he love me, why doesn’t he realize what he walked away from. The other part of me is jumping for joy because hind sight has shown me how much he was bringing me down in life. I let him take away from my faith, my identity and so much more. Regardless, my current frustration is simply that I still get sad and I HATE THAT! I get all worked up with so many emotions that are completely out of my control. It usually lasts about 20 minutes to and hour and eventually I am able to focus my attention somewhere else but I hate getting so worked up over nothing. There is nothing to be sad about anymore. There is no undoing the past, all I can do is move forward, so why does my mind wrap its octopus like tentacles around the bad memories and hang on for dear life? The question of the day is why does our past have to loom like a dark rain cloud over our present? There are plenty of happy, pleasant memories that I’ve forgotten about and that escape my mind most of the time, yet now when I just want to erase certain memories and have a clean slate and my mind won’t let go. The octopus in my head is not very nice…there’s something I never thought I’d say.