Uphill Climb

Well I can officially say that today has been a waste of a day. Sad I know...but I ended up staying up late talking with a friend last night and was exhausted this morning. I finished my homework but only went to two of my classes (I'm apparently a slacker). I feel frustrated and unmotivated with school right now. I see myself falling further and further behind...and I just know that this will ultimately bite me in the butt. The weirdest part of all of this is that I'm not usually like this. I am a student...it's a huge part of who I am and while I've gotten burnt out with school at end of semesters and during crunch times, I've never lost my motivation to work hard. Now I feel like I don't really care.

This makes me feel a little disappointed in myself. What sucks is that I just wish I was done with school. I have so many different things that I want to do in life, and I want to be able to focus on my personal life and my faith right now. I think what I'm struggling with is accepting myself where I'm at in my life. There aren't many things I can change in my life with out crazy consequences so I feel like I'm stuck in the hole I've been trying so desperately to climb out of.

I want to be strong. I hate the feeling of being weak...deep down I understand that what I'm feeling is change and growth, but it makes me feel... Unstable. Yuck, I don't think anyone likes this feeling. It's uncomfortable, and sometimes I feel as though the person who I am and the person who I want to be are constantly battling. I'm tired of trying to feel better, or stronger and more together. I just want to be o.k with where I am at, I want to be myself, and I want to feel proud of the person I am even if at times I struggle.

It's kinda like climbing a mountain. For the most part it's just an uphill climb, but every once in awhile you have to stop and rest, rehydrate yourself and possibly eat a power bar. Then you can continue to climb upwards. It's time to rest and rejuvinate, because I am confident that there are better days ahead. The emotional struggles can't go on forever. Eventually we reach the top of the mountain and we can appreciate everything that happened on the journey to get there.

It's time to say cheers to the better days ahead.