Finding my way...

This morning I walked about 3 miles at James A. Bible park, which is within walking distance from my house. I cruised around the park a couple of times, and then as I was headed back to my apartment, I decided to take a different way back. I had an idea where it lead, but wasn't 100% sure of the final destination. I figured, "what the heck" I have all day to get lost if that's the case. As I was observing the world around me I recognized that this was the first time that I didn't know where I was going, and it didn't anger me. It actually brought me joy. As I tossed this idea back and forth in my mind, I realized that no matter where you are in life, the path will always lead you home, where ever that might be.

Sometimes the things that seem so complicated, can at the same moment be so simple.

It's Official, I'm a college graduate!

Back to Square 1

So in response to my previous post...yet again there was already another offer on the condo so as the contestants of a popular game show would say, "NO DEAL". I am supposedly next in line, if anything falls through, but let's just say I'm not holding my breath. So I'm on the hunt again. I'm not going to lie...I find this process incredibly annoying. I wish that the listing agents would mention it to my realtor when she calls to schedule a showing, just out of courtesy. I'm doing my best not to get emotionally involved, but for goodness sakes I have to have some emotion...I'm making the biggest purchase of my life thus far! Sigh. I'm just tired of finding something that is in my price range, that happens to be in good shape and has the features I'm looking for...only to find out I can't have it. Something else I find intriguing...I thought we were in a housing CRISIS? Apparently, the crisis is that everyone is buying what I want. O.k. now I sound spoiled. haha.

On a happier note...I have one more final and I am officially done with my undergraduate degree. On Sunday December 14, 2008 I will have my B.A. in Speech Communication with an emphasis in Communication Theory and a minor in Nutrition. If that isn't a mouthful I don't know what is!

And on an even happier note...Katie will be here Friday, and Mom, Dad, Grandma W, Grandma C, Grandpa, Martha, and Norman will all be here Saturday!

What a hoot! I'm super excited to have everyone here to celebrate!

Excitement

I'm putting in an offer on my new home (thinking positive here)!!!! I'm hoping and praying that their are no other offers (that happened with the last one I looked at). I'm nervous and excited at the same time. Mom told me from the beginning that I shouldn't get emotionally attached until I know that the house is mine, and in my defense I did my best to stay strong...but I LOVE IT!!! Love it, love it, llllllloooooovvvvveeee it! I forgot the camera today so I don't have any pictures...but if all works out well there will soon be plenty of pictures to view! It is a beautiful top floor condo (great views), 2 bedrooms and 2 baths plus a den. The master bathroom has a sunken tub (There is a God!), and all of the appliances are included. I can't wait to be able to do laundry in my own home again!

I know the last thing I need is a distraction from finals...but maybe it is exactly what I needed. Thank you Lord for shinning a little light in dark place! (o.k. no need to be dramatic it's not as bad as I make it sound)

Stay tuned for more information!

The HIGHS and the lows...

It's funny to observe the anticipation of an event encompassing every fiber of your being to an extent that causes you to wonder if the next moment will bring laughter, tears, frustration or joy. This last month especially, has seemed to reflect the course of a rollercoaster more than usual. I have so many changes that I anticipat occuring in my life that it is hard to know whether to put my right foot in front of my left, or my left foot in front of my right. I feel that ultimately which ever step that I take, I will end up in the perfect spot...but taking that leap of faith is presenting itself as quite a challenge!

What goes down...must come back up!

Thanksgiving Memories...

The holidays are all about making memories, right? Well that is what I set out to do yesterday! First off, some friends and I started a new tradition of running in the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. It's a 4 mile run/walk put on by the United Way Chairity group. I had a lot of fun, it was a great way to start the day! Hopefully we will continue to do it each year. After the race we all parted ways to our seperate Thanksgiving day festivities.

The second memory of the day was my attempt at making my first apple pie. What a kick. For some reason I had it in my head, that this would be a simple task...but have no fear I found a way to make it complicated! Essentially the process was simple aside from the pesky crust. After several failed attempts of getting the dough to stick together and roll out in somewhat of a circle I managed to get 75% of the crust off at one time and I figured that was going to have to work! The moral of the story...use lots of flour on the cutting board, and be patient. After a good laugh with my mom, we decided that I would have pie crust making lessons when I'm home for Christmas! The one success story is that despite the looks, the pie tasted fantastic!

The evil dough and flour...

The Finished Product...(Keep in mind this was after running!)What a mess...$5.99 at Safeway is sounding pretty good about now.
Haha...the close up really does the crust justice. The patch jobs were quite humourous to me!

I hope everyone had a fabulous Turkey Day!

Trying something new!

So Windows Vista is pretty snazzy, and you can now type your blog posts in Word and have them published to your Blogger account. I have yet to try it, but thought I would give it a whirl. So far I really don't quite see the advantages…but I imagine there is still a lot to be learned.

Yeah...it's no different. I did some simple formatting and none of it showed up...kind of lame. Oh well. I guess if you don't have an internet connection you can still blog. Maybe that is the benefit!

So exciting news...27 Days & Counting!

Things finally seem to be winding down and coming to an end. This is incredibly exciting, but is bringing up some of the tough questions. I am again battling with the question of whether or not I should stay in Co or go to Ca. I thought I had made my decision, and now I'm just not sure. I feel like I'm choosing between gold and gold. How do you judge two good things against one another? I don't know. I guess I need to go back to my original idea...don't worry about it yet! Sometimes my anal tendencies come out. I like to pretend that I've got everything all figured out and when I don't...my brains come unraveled. Sigh...

Excuse me Senioritis...Now that we've met, can I please excuse myself?

O.k, so it's gotten to the time of the semester where I am literally praying for sanity and motivation to finish out this last month! Thank goodness for faith and having something to believe in! I am in the final stretch of the semester and my motivation to make time for anything remotely related to school is at an all time low. My graduation announcements are out, people have scheduled their flights, I've got my cap and gown and commemorative tassel. Isn't it time to walk the plank, I mean the stage?

"No," you say. "Despite your daily and often hourly reminders that there is still much to be done, you continue to ignore the fact that you still have a giant research proposal to finish, a training handbook to create for my internship and final exams to complete!"

Sigh...I'm having conversational dialogues with myself...that can't be good.

More updates to come, please excuse my ranting!

Update...school, work, house???

So I've got a month and 21 days until Graduation! The days are certainly dragging, but the projects are coming together slowly and surely. Once Thanksgiving comes around, it will be all down hill from there! Now that is something to be thankful for! =-) I'm really excited for the next stage of my life, and I can't wait to graduate and leave my job!!!

I was offered a promotion at the end of August to begin in September, and accepted the position with the arrangement that I would be creating a training program for the company, and take on additional training responsibilities and a few other tasks to help the managment. Along with the additional work load, I was supposed to recieve a $1-2 dollar raise. This position is doubling as my internship for school, so I have to continue with the job eventhough THEY HAVE NOT INCREASED MY WAGES!!! The company I work for has NO integrity. After talking to my manager (who has no influence on the pay raise) about my concern, she informed me that because this job is dependant on my internship, it's possible that they are not giving me the pay raise, because they figured I would do the job either way. Really? This only goes to show how little they value their employees and confirms the fact that I do not want to continue being a part of it in any way shape or form.

But the beautiful thing about all of this is that I have been encouraged to move on! I am hoping to take a year or at least a semester off from school, and then go back to attain my graduate degree in Educational Counseling. I hope to start working in the school district next year so that I can start networking. Depending on what positions they have available (Paraeducator, Avid Tutor, Admin, Substiture) I will probably work a few nights a week at a local restaurant so that I can start saving!

Save for what you might ask? Well I will soon be entering the world of homeownership! I have been pre-approved for a loan, and I'm officially on the market for a townhome! I'm excited to have a place to truly call my own! I won't have to worry about rent increases every year (yay for apartment life) I can have a dog! I can customize things to look how I want them to! It's all very exciting. I have found a few places that I'm interested in, and I'm in contact with a real estate agent, so it should be interesting to see what I find! =-)

Well that's my update! Hopefully more good news will follow!

On my knees...

Jeremy Riddle - Sweetly Broken (From the album Sweetly Broken)

"To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of its suffering I do drink
Of its work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
What a priceless gift, undeserved life
Have I been given
Through Christ crucified
You’ve called me out of death
You’ve called me into life
And I was under Your wrath
Now through the cross I’m reconciled

In awe of the cross I must confess
How wondrous
Your redeeming love and
How great is Your faithfulness

*It's amazing how amazingly simple life can be when you put things in perspective and get your priorities straight.

blank....

Burn out sucks...

I feel incredibily confused...

I am emotionally and physically exhausted...

Blank.

(But isn't this picture beautiful???)

A spark...now I need a flame

I finally got away from my awful rut and was able to get a few things accomplished in regards to my school work. I find that when I'm able to get out of the house I have a much easier time concentrating. Enter: Panera Bread, it's no library, but they have free wi-fi and provided a quzi-healthy dinner, a combination that can't be beat. The atmospher is actually pretty calming, soothing music, just enough background noise, that you're not nervous to turn a page, it would have been perfect had the just stayed open a little later. I only got an hour and a 1/2 of work done because they closed at 8:00. It was a much needed boost, and I wish it had lasted longer, but I feel that any small feet is something to be celebrated.

I'm so ready to graduate it's not even funny, so focusing has been a little bit challenging lately. What bothers me the most is that I'm distracted by nothingness. Sometimes it's important errands, and tasks that I need to get done, but more often than not, it's stupid stuff, like watching TV or a new movie, or surfing the web for things that are irrelevant. One thing that is wonderful to report, is that my credit balance is incressingly dwindling. I have a few major accounts that I will keep open, but my lasik is almost paid off, and I'm feeling like my goal of reducing the number of accounts is coming closer by the day! Yay...

Another great thing, is that I've started creating goals to accomplish after I graduate, so that I'm able to keep busy and enjoy a year off from school before going back to get my master's degree. I am still keeping my eyes and ears open for possible grad schools, but I'm definitely going to apply to UNC (University of Northern Colorado) and APU (Azusa Pacific University). I'm pretty determined I'll either be in Colorado or California, but I will definitely keep my options open. I limited myself to great proportions for undergrad, and not that I regret it, but I always wonder if I would have made the same decision if I had kept my options more open.

Here's to the future!

Step by step, piece by piece

It's amazing to see how far you've come as an individual and to look back on who you have been. Occasionally I wonder if it's even possible that I am remotely the same person I once was, and then other days I feel like I haven't changed a bit. Reality...each day becomes an important piece of who I am. Someday maybe I'll be who I really want to be...but for now...this is as good as it gets!

Sometimes...

Sometimes...we make things seem better than they are, because we hope that what we have now, will one day become even better ;-)

Sometimes...it's tough to face the reality that what you've got...is as good as it gets.
and then

Sometimes...you realize that that's o.k...and everything is gonna be all right, because what you've got isn't all that bad!

Lodi, California July 2008

RANTIN' and RAVIN'

*

Is anyone else concerned with this governement bail out? I'm sure it sounds great to people pending foclosures and all that jazz...but where is this money coming from? Are the American people going to be paying for this rather quick decision for the next million years? If we had that kind of money lying around...why hasn't it been put to better use all of this time??? I just can't wrap my head around it.

I also find it rather remarkable that we live in a society where families are loosing their homes left and right, but we will pay Spiderman $50,000,000 dollars to make # 3 & 4 of an already over worked series of movies. So basically our movie stars and celebrities are our priority. Not our teachers, or docotors... Maybe Mr. Toby Miguiere (spelling?) can donate some of his earnings towards the health care than no one can seem to find.

Which brings me to another point...do people want universal health care or do they just want free health care...because the more and more people talk about it, the more I feel like we already have universal health care. Get a clue America....nothing in life is free!!!

I can't wait for this election to be over. That's the greatest part...in 2/3 months, all of these things that people "supposedly" care so much about...will be laid to rest. I'm so sick of the ads, the conversations, the frustrations, the uneducated young minds that attend my college and their wholier than thou attitudes. Yuck...please just let us vote and be done with this!

*Comic above found at http://www.institutionaladvisors.com/images/BAILOUT3w.jpg

i am ..... pooped

Consider this thought when talking politics...

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." - Aristotle

It is amazing to me how angry and ignorant people can be once they start talking politics (on both sides of the political spectrum). If you want to argue...then argue, but if you have a question that you truly want answered, ask the question and listen to the reponse/answer. I've been watching political interviews and it is so incredible to notice that so many questions were actually unanswered because the PRESIDENTIAL/VP Candidates were rudely inturrupted or cut off. Can we please show a little respect for these people by letting them finish there sentences no matter how long they are (S. Mccain) or how much you stutter (S. Obama). =-)

MAY we all be reminded that there are equally important parts of communication:

• Sending messages (via words, pictures, hand gestures, etc.) &


• Recieving messages (LISTENING!!!! Interpreting, and analyzing)

Dynamics

It's amazing to think about our lives and to understand that our existance is truly dynamic! It may be amazingly obvious, but life is designed to be shared. Think about living in isolation...what do you have to live for? I am starting to think that rather than living our lives for ourselves and our own success, gain or happiness; we essentially live them for other people, regardless of wether or not we are aware of this ideal. Not just anyone, but for those few people that have entered our lives that for whatever reason you have connected with...those you have allowed to enter the sandy waters of your very being (however you might define that). More than just a causal acceptance or connection, these individuals have entered the depths of our hearts, shared our dreams and loved us no matter the cost. If you're lucky you can count those people on one hand, and evenmore so if you can fill both hands with names. A good friend of mine consistantly says that he has never been lucky in terms of winning prizes, or by having everything go his way, or even by making loads of money; but he has had resounding luck when it comes to the people that he meets. It's not that he's met celebrities or famous thinkers, athletes, or millionaires; but generally average people who break the mold and make his world a better place to be: above average.

I think this is why we each long to have at least one person in our lives that we committ to. So that without a doubt, there is at least one, sole person who can always be counted upon to share experiences with. Life isn't quite as complicated as it might seem when you evaluate the idea that there is someone else along side of you that understands, sees things similar to the way you do, or that quite frankly gives a shit. I reconize that this thought might seem a tad pesimestic, but hear me out. There are several types of people who will enter our lives: acquiantances, family members, teachers, mentors, friends, children, managers, co-workers, customer service representatives, waitresses, passerby's....the list could continue for days. From mere people passing paths, to the best of friends, each person has the potential to have an impact on our lives. For instance: on my drive to school this morning another driver on the road actually apologized for failing to let me into the next lane regardless of the fact that my blinker had been on and he had appeared to be leaving a place open for me. It turns out he must have gotten distracted while driving and did not realize that I was trying to get to the next lane. After he switched changed lanes and met up with me so that I was able to look out my left window and take a peak at the "idiot driver" (insert road rage here) I glanced over to see the face of the inconsiderate, good for nothing looser, and as I caught his face he mouthed the words, I'm sorry. I was so prepared to give him the death look and stare him down to make sure he knew just how disgusted I was by him, when my expectations were shattered, and I forced to forfeit my ascribed anticipations for our encounter, my face returned to a much more pleasant disposition and I was drawn to smile and nod in acceptance of his appology. He appologized? Can you beleive it? Any other time I would have gotten flipped off, disregarded, ignored, and possibly cut off.

Anyone can impant another individual's life but I feel those that make the most significant impacts are the people for which we live. To know that I can be helped and help in return with no questions asked, no begging or pleading required is a remarkable feeling. Love is an expectional value and (not to sound like a Miss America pagent) but if we express rather than repress the feelings that we have towads one another and simply share our human experience in an open and honest way, wouldn't this be a better place to live?

Moral of the story: People have every opportunity to break expecatations, and we should all be prepared to have our expectations exceeded.

Please tell me it isn't true...

I'm 4 weeks into school and today 'it' has arrived. I've successfully avoided 'it' for the last 5 weeks, and thought that this might be the first time in awhile that I might be able to avoid 'it'. But alas...my luck has run out and I am forced to face the facts, saddle up and ride the bull, take it by the horns and accept that SCHOOL IS STRESSFUL. I love every bit of it...but I hate that I can't focus directly on school. Rather I have 180 other things on my mind to distract me from the task at hand.

Today is the day that my social life, eating healthy, finances, cleaning my house, sleeping and contentment slowly slip away from my grasp and out of my control. Today is the day that normal everyday tasks become twice as hard as they ever need to be. Effort is everything, and motivation is the only thing that gets you through. My primary motivator...this is the end and I am moments away from my freedom from this insane captivity!

From now until about Thanksgiving...'it' will most likely consume my life, yet there is a gleaming light at the end of the tunnel, and I can see just the slightest glimpse of that beautiful shimmering splendor! Generally it seeps in and out of my peripheral vision: the goal is to catch it before it consumes my entire focus! I'm not attempting to be negative or cynical...just REAL. Stress is overwhelming, and quite frankly simply unavoidable. So it's time to deal. At least this is my feeble attempt!

Milos!

Deanna's First Shot: Washington Apple...yum =-)

East Coast Meets West Coast

What can you do with a cherry stem?

Yay for catching up with good friends
I have no words...